Soft vs. Firm
Maddie knows she isnt supposed to play with her father's cd player. Upon getting caught her mother says "Maddie, I really wish you wouldn't play with Daddy's new CD player. I am afraid you might break it."
Soft Limit. Unclear. Using wishes, hopes and shoulds is another way of saying stopping would be nice but you don't really have to.
A child refuses to wear a coat.
The parent brings the coat but does not force it.
The child becomes cold outside
Natural Consequence
Your child throws a block across the room. You respond "That's it! No TV tonight."
Logical Consequence: Blocks and put away for the rest of the day.
Keep consequences related to action. TV and blocks have nothing to do with each other, plus no TV tonight isn't immediate.
We talked about the brain in two parts. We called these the ____ brain and the ______ brain.
The upstairs and downstairs brain.
Your child refuses to leave the playground. Using the two positive choices strategy what could you say?
Do you want to hop like a bunny or stomp like a dinosaur. We are leaving the playground. You choose how we get to the car.
3 year old Allison has discovered the pleasures of blowing bubbles in her cup at mealtimes. Her parents ignore this in the hope that it will go away.
Soft Limit. The absence of a green light is not a red light. When we ignore the misbehavior we're really saying: it's okay to do that.
A child keeps splashing water out of the bathtub.
The parent ends bath time early.
Logical Consequence
Your child refused to clean up toys. You respond "any toys not put away will be thrown in the trash!"
Logical Consequence: no new toys come out until the others are put away.
Keep calm- no threats.
We outlined three steps when dealing with emotions. What is step one?
Calm the body.
What word can parents add to a child's statement such as "I can't do it" to encourage perseverance and help establish a growth mindset?
yet
Maggie wants a candy from the checkout line. She grabs a bar and puts it in the cart. Her mom says "Put it back Maggie, you know what I said about asking for treats at the checkout counter."
Firm. Clear, stated ahead of time.
Logical consequence
Your child hits their younger sibling. You say "go to your room!"
Logical Consequence: time out - playtime stops
"I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts."
Young children learn emotional regulation by first borrowing the calm of a trusted adult.
This process is called ______ regulation.
Co Regulation
When children are sharing their emotions what three word phrase helps them feel validated?
I believe you.
"If you don't stop, I'm going to get really mad."
Soft (and threatening)
Child leaves their favorite toy outside overnight and it gets rained on and ruined.
Natural Consequence
Child spills milk at the dinner table. You respond "go and think about what you've done!"
Natural Consequence: child cleans up the milk
This is a place for children to go to calm down. Not a time out area. Children must be taught how to use it before they can use it on their own.
The Safe Place
Research shows young children may need several seconds to process directions.
Instead of repeating instructions immediately, parents should pause and allow this.
wait time
Using time-out as a consequence for a child who hits.
Firm limit
A child refuses to clean up toys.
Parent says:
“If you don’t clean up right now, you’re not going to your friend’s birthday party this weekend.”
Trick Question: Punishment
A child refuses dinner.
The parent says breakfast will be the next meal.
The natural consequence of hunger is not appropriate here. We do not want to limit food until the next day.
Logical consequence: Parent puts the child's dinner aside. When they mention they are hungry later, this is what is offered.
When kids are throwing a tantrum name three things you can do to help calm their body. (We discussed 5)
Get down on their level
lower your voice
reduce language- use repitition
gentle touch if welcomed
belly breathing
heavy work
To create confident kids parents must lead by example. Give two ways to do this. (We talked about three in class)
admit your mistakes
model calm response to accidents
say your positive self talk out loud