Historical Beefs
Celebrity Objectification
Ask Your Doctor If...
Midwesterning
No Lowballers
200
After actor Vin Diesel claimed he could beat this wrestler-turned-actor in a real fight, the latter reportedly responded that Diesel should “shut his mouth.” Eyebrows and airborn cars may or may not have been involved.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
200
Who is this?
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
200
Fred, Wilma, Barney, Betty, and friends came in these chewables in 1968.
Flintstone Vitamins
200
Known elsewhere by the more cosmopolitan term “casserole,” this Upper Midwestern staple traditionally combines meat, vegetables, starch and something creamy in a single dish.
Hotdish
200
One-third full lighter
$2
400
During World War II, this canned meat became so ubiquitous in Allied military rations that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev later credited it with helping feed the Red Army.
What is Spam?
(Yes, I know it's not beef. Argue with a wall)
400
Who is this?
Post Malone
400
Popeye the Sailor Man famously obtained immediate forearm hypertrophy by consuming this rather than consulting an endocrinologist.
(Canned) Spinach
400
In Wisconsin, asking where the nearest “bubbler” is does not mean you're seeking a hot tub, aquarium aerator, or small child with a gastrointestinal problem. You're looking for this.
A drinking fountain
400
"Premium Dorito in a Jar"
$10
600
During their beef, former friends Thomas Jefferson and this Founding Father spent years complaining about one another to other people before eventually doing the 19th-century equivalent of “fine, I’ll text him.” They then died on the same day like a couple of dorks.
John Adams
600
Who is this?
Jeremy Allen White
600
If a commercial features two attractive middle-aged people laughing while bicycling, gardening, attending a farmer’s market and/or gazing meaningfully at a sunset while a narrator calmly mentions possible death, you are probably watching an advertisement for this.
literally any prescription drug
600
This Minnesota governor won a congressional cooking competition with his Turkey Trot Tater-Tot Hotdish, meaning this photograph contains a lot of concentrated Midwest.
Tim Walz
600
Murder Doll "She has tried to kill me a few times while I was sleeping. Please take this abomination and give her a good home."
$75
800
In one of history’s great workplace feuds, Michelangelo reportedly mocked this rival artist’s inability to sculpt, while the rival mocked Michelangelo’s clothing and personal hygiene. Living in a sewer and eating pizza later made them coworkers.
Leonardo da Vinci
800
Who is this?
Steve Buscemi
800
You should not take Skyrizi if you are allergic to this.
Skyrizi
800
What is the appropriate thing to wear in the Midwest when it is 42 degrees in March (wind chill 39)?
Shorts
800
Severed kayak
$50
1000
Mariah Carey delivered perhaps the most economical celebrity-beef response in history when asked about this singer: “I don’t know her.”
Jennifer Lopez
1000
Who is this?
Timothee Chalamet
1000
Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, and constipation are among the commonly reported side effects of this injectable medication.
Ozempic (Or Wegovy or Mounjaro)
1000
Despite containing Snickers bars, whipped topping, and pudding, this Midwestern creation is called this.
(Snickers) salad
1000
Giant Chad Ochocinco Head
$444,444