One Word
(Proper Noun)
(Proper Noun)
Thus spoke:
"Listening without any prejudice and expectations makes us empty. It is this emptiness that creates the real magic."
Daaji
Fill in the Blanks:
"Our efforts to follow ______ will bring forward all that we are looking for with Heartful Communication."
AEIOU
by Daaji
"You are always late."
Is it an evaluation or a neutral "Observation"?
Evaluation.
Observation would be more specific & factual. It would not have generalizations like "always", "never", etc. An observation might be:
"Our meetings are scheduled to begin at 2pm. For the last 3 meetings, I have noticed that you joined us after the meeting began."
Speaker: "I was disqualified on a technicality & couldn’t finish my marathon."
Listener: “At least you tried. I cannot even run a mile.”
Can you find a way to respond using connecting language? Or identify the type of circuit breaker used here.
Feelings: Sad, Disappointed
Needs: To be heard, Competence, Acceptance
Circuit Breaker: Consoling, Compensating, Re-assuring, Telling not to feel, Dismissing, Minimizing, Turning attention on self
"I feel that we did not attend to that seeker properly."
Is this a true feeling?
False. It's an evaluation.
Feeling: Disappointment, Upset, Sad
Needs: To be heard, Understood, Competence
Thus spoke:
"Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger, is the tragic expression of an unmet need."
Marshall Rosenberg
Fill in the Blanks:
The ____ ____ ______ should be devoid of rise and fall in pitch. On the contrary, it should be like the divine current, flowing evenly since the beginning of creation.
style of speech
from Lalaji's PoC
"I feel like a failure."
Guess the person's feelings & needs?
Feeling: Disappointed, Embarrassed
Needs: Competence/ Efficacy, Support, Consideration
Speaker: "I am really worried about something I did at work today. I promised a 25% discount to a very important customer, but my manager did not approve it."
Listener: “Oh! Who was your customer? How many percentage points were you off anyway?”
Can you find a way to respond using connecting language? Or identify the type of circuit breaker used here?
Feelings: Sad, Disappointed, Anxious, Annoyed, Frustrated
Needs: To be heard, Acceptance, Predictability, Efficacy, Support, Safety
Circuit Breaker: Data gathering, Interrogating
"The cab driver charged me so much. I feel ripped off."
Is this a true feeling?
False. It's a faux feeling. We are making others responsible for our feelings.
Feeling: Resentful, Angry
Needs: Fairness, Honesty, Consideration
What's one word for:
"A request that blesses the one who is asked."
Memnoon
in Arabic & Farsi.
In other words, what someone is requesting of me is something that I want to do, and is actually a gift to me. You are giving me a gift by asking me to do something.
Fill in the Blanks:
Very gently and softly look at them, and as you exhale, have the thought that particles of your ____ and ______ are entering into their heart. While inhaling, have the thought that you are pulling out all the ____ _____ that they have about you, and you are throwing these aside.
This is Lalaji's technique for "Seeding Positive Thoughts"
..... particles of your love and affection are entering into their heart.
....... pulling out all the negative thoughts that they have about you ...
It’s good if this can be done in such a way that a cycle is established with the inhaling and exhaling of your breath.
Here's a child telling their parent:
"I am tired of you. You always think you are right."
Guess the child's feelings & needs?
Feelings: Frustration, Stress, Agitation,yearning
Needs: Freedom, Respect, Love,
Here's a scenario:
Speaker: "I finally attended a job interview this Friday. I have a sinking feeling it didn't go so well."
Listener: “Don't worry! Let’s have some coffee. You’ll feel better after that.”
Can you identify what type of circuit breaker this is? Or, can you try responding in more connecting language?
Circuit Breaker: Consoling, Dismissing
Feelings: Sad, Disappointed, Despair, Concerned
Needs: Reassurance, Support, Respect, Acceptance, Ease, Connection, Efficacy/ competence
"I am alone at home. I feel lonely."
Is this a true feeling?
Yes
Feeling: Lonely
Needs: Connection, Company, Community
What is one word for the concept of:
“I am, because we are”
Ubuntu
in Zulu, literally means that "A person is a person through other people".
Ubuntu is that nebulous concept of common humanity, oneness: humanity, you and me both.
Fill in the Blanks:
_________ is better than a perch up.
Lying low is better than a perch up.
from Lalaji's PoC
"I felt so manipulated by the whole experience."
Guess the person's feelings & needs?
Feeling: Angry, Frustrated, Scared, Powerless
Needs: Autonomy, Empowerment, Trust, Equality, Honesty, Connection
Speaker: "My roommate is very annoying. He plays music all night long & I find it hard to sleep."
Listener: “What do you expect from a freshman? My freshman roommate used to microwave fish & never clean up. ”
Can you identify the type of circuit breaker? Or Can you find a way to respond using connecting language?
Feelings: Annoyed, Frustrated
Needs: Rest, Ease, Respect, Consideration
Circuit Breaker: Labeling, One-upping
"I am so tired, but I have to go to the meeting tonight."
Is this "connecting" or "alienating" language?
Alienating. They are thinking & talking as if they have no choice.
Denying Responsibility - Should, Ought, Must, Have-to
Thus Spoke:
”When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce”
Thich Nhat Hanh
"Our meditation is of no use if we are not able to make our ____ ________ dynamic by letting it manifest externally through our attitudes, behavior and conversations."
inner condition
Daaji, talking about AEIOU
"The red flower is beautiful."
Is this an evaluation or a neutral observation?
Evaluation.
On the other hand, if you said "The red flower is beautiful to me," it would still not be neutral observation, but authentic personal expression.
Speaker: "My neighbor wanted to start meditation. When she came over, we had tea & talked. Then, she realized she was late for a Doctor appointment and had to leave before we could meditate."
Listener: “You shouldn't behave like that with seekers. You should always give a sitting first & then talk to them.”
What type of circuit breaker is this?
Circuit Breaker: Advising, Preaching
Feelings: Disappointed, Embarrassed, Guilty
Needs: To be heard, Competence, Efficacy, Predictability
"Master said he wants it done. Do you want to be the one to tell him it's not?"
Is this "connecting" or "alienating" language?
Alienating
because it is an open/ hidden threat, and limiting choice for the other person