Worst Way to Handle It
Your friend is upset because you left them out of the new group chat
"You're overreacting"
"It's not a big deal"
"They just don't like you"
Your friend cancels plans last minute
Guilt-tripping them
Cutting them off
"You never listen to me"
"I feel like I am not being heard when...."
What is "fortune-telling"?
Assuming you can predict the future
Someone says something embarrassing about you as a "joke"
Good things to keep in mind with response: set a boundary; call it out calmly; avoid escalating it in front of others
What is challenging about only feeling good when people compliment you?
It depends on others
It goes up and down all the time
People are focused on themselves
Someone you like takes hours to respond to your message/leaves you on delivered
Sending a million follow ups
Posting a vague story about how people suck
Jumping to conclusions ("they hate me")
Your friend shares something you told them privately
Getting revenge by sharing their secrets
Publicly shaming them (Streisand Effect)
"You are so fake"
"I felt hurt when...."
What is "mind-reading"?
Believing that you know what someone else is thinking
Your friend starts hanging out with another group and you feel like you're getting replaced
Good things to keep in mind: avoid assumptions, express feelings directly, don't attack
What’s one thing confident people do differently after making a mistake?
Move on faster
Learn from it
Don't define themselves by it
Your friend tells you something personal, and says "don't tell anyone"
Telling just your best friend and telling them to not tell anyone either
Using it later in an unrelated argument
BONUS: what are some exceptions to this rule?
Your friend is getting closer to someone you don't like
Making them choose
Talking badly about the other person
Acting cold and expecting them to know why
*Ignoring and saying nothing* when you're really mad at someone
"I need a minute, but I will talk later"
What is "magnifying"?
Making a big deal out of something small
Your friend acts differently depending on who they are around
Good to keep in mind: either leave it alone or, if harmful, call out gently; use humor; avoid assumptions
Say this not that: "I always mess things up"
"That did not go how I wanted. But I can fix it"
You are mad at a friend for something but you don't want confrontation
Ghosting them and assuming they know why you are
Talking behind their back
You see friends hanging out without you on Snapchat
Assuming it was intentional
Cutting them off without talking to them
"You are so annoying"
"I feel overwhelmed, I need a break"
What is "personalization"?
The belief that you are responsible for events outside of your control
You did something awkward in class and you can't stop thinking about it
Good to keep in mind: "spotlight" effect, speed at which people move on, owning it w/ humor
What is it called when you replay a thought/situation over and over?
Rumination
Someone removes you from their private story
Confronting them as aggressively as possible
Asking 5 people why they did this
You feel like you are always the one reaching out and nobody ever texts you to make plans
Keeping score silently without saying anything (builds resentment)
Posting vaguely about it
Thinking it is because they hate you
"You've been acting weird"
"I feel like you are acting a little off... is everything ok?"
The assumption that if you feel something, it is true (e.g., "I feel like a bad friend, so I must be a bad friend")
You feel jealous of a friend's success, but you are also happy for them
What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?
Confident= don't need to prove anything, can take feedback, can admit mistakes
Arrogance= needs validation, hard time being wrong, puts others down