nurse
What do you call a nurse who is relaxed and smiling?
Off duty!
Which area in the US has the lowest cholesterol?
Statin island!
Why did the nursing student carry a stethoscope everywhere they went?
To always have a "heart-to-heart" conversation!
Why did the bandage feel so confident?
Because it always sticks to its goals.
Why did the nurse have to fill in the blood type chart twice?
She made a type O!
What do you call a baby cat who works with nurses?
A first aid kit!
How do you handle metronidazole?
Carefully, because it’s flagyl!
Why did the ICU nurse always excel in yoga class?
They knew how to keep patients in "stable" positions!
What did the syringe say before the injection?
"This might sting a little… but I’m sharp.”
Why do a lot of nurses go to college at the North Pole?
That’s where the Icy U is!
What do you call an ER nurse with a great sense of humor?
A lifesaver!
Who made so many “rash” decisions that they turned it into their career?
A dermatologist
What do a nurse and a wood frog have in common?
They can both hold their bladder for a really long time.
Why did the hospital hire a gardener?
To take care of the in-“patients.”
How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?
She won’t stop needling people.
Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
Their circadian rhythm is generally off.
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A URL-ologist.
Why are nurses afraid of the outdoors?
Too much poison IV.
Why did the brain go to therapy?
It had too many thoughts to process.
Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately?
Because it had a virus.
How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb?
30 seconds to change it & 30 minutes to chart it.
Why did the nurse bring extra pens to work?
In case things needed to be re-charted.
What did Dracula say to the nurse?
“Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.”
Why did the skeleton become a doctor?
Because it had a good head on its shoulders.
What did the nurse tell the patient suffering from bird flu?
“Don’t worry, we can tweet you!”