The Parenting Pyramid
This pyramid illustrates how much time we should be spending on ourselves and our relationships, compared to teaching and correcting our children, in order to have the best positive influence on our children's behavior.
What is the Parenting Pyramid?
This rule for "The Speaker" says that you should not go on and on talking. You will have time to talk about everything that is on your mind as you both take turns.
What is "Be Brief"?
When our core needs are not met, we begin to feel Primary Emotions. Primary emotions are emotions that are deeper than Secondary emotions. We must dive deeper than Secondary Emotions to uncover these 3 primary emotions.
What are Hurt, Fear, and Shame?
This type of mindset is a thought pattern and belief system where children or adults believe that success or failure is attributed to the person's innate abilities and worth, which they believe cannot be changed. As a result, they are less likely to persist in the face of failure, adversity, or rejection. They are more likely to internalize failure, avoid hard things, resent other people's successes, and resist correction and feedback.
What is a Fixed Mindset?
FLIP it is an Emotion Coaching strategy that help parents no longer look at tantrums as a negative, but as a teaching opportunity where they can teach their children to understand and handle their feelings better, get along with others and solve problems in appropriate ways. This is what it stands for.
What is Feelings, Limits, Inquiries, Prompts?
This top of the pyramid is where many parents spend most of their time and effort, as it yields the quickest results, but these results are less lasting and do not often yield the long term results that parents actually want.
What is "Correction"?
This rule for "The Speaker" means you should not read the other person's mind. Express your feelings and thoughts using "I" statements to express your point of view. You should not attack the other person.
What is "Speak for yourself"?
Love, Connection, Growth, Progress, Respect, Fairness, Security, Autonomy, Competence, Acceptance, are all part of this, for every person.
What are "Core Needs"?
Parents can follow 5 steps to get better at setting and clarifying expectations with their children. This first step is crucial if they are to be successful at the other steps, which are:
2. Choose a good time to make your requests
3. Be positive and specific
4. Show what you mean
5. Give lots of positive feedback
What is "1. Clarify in your mind what it is you really want?"
During the Inquiries step in FLIP it, parents encourage the child to think about solutions to their challenges. They ask questions that invite children to gain this. Questions like "Is that how you would want to react to that situation?"
What is self-regulation?
Children who do this alongside their parents are more likely to incorporate the teachings and example of their parents in their own lives.
What is work and play together with parents?
This rule for "The Listener" means you remember that your job is to listen so that you understand what your partner is saying. Wait until you are the speaker to offer your own opinion. Don't be thinking about a rebuttal.
What is "Focus on the Speaker's Message"?
Primary emotions give way to Secondary emotions which divide into two main emotions, and which directly affect our negative behavior.
What are Anger and Anxiety?
This type of mindset is a thought pattern and belief system where children or adults believe that success or failure is attributed to effort, strategy, diligence, and persistence, which they believe anyone can learn and replicate. And they see everyone as having intrinsic worth independent of outwardly measures. As a result, they are more likely to persist in the face of failure, adversity, or rejection. They look for new challenges and enjoy learning new things. They welcome and even seek feedback and correction. They are happy when others succeed and seek to lift others.
What is Growth Mindset?
In this FLIP it step, parents gently help the child identify and name their emotions. They help the child identify the root feelings causing the behavior and acknowledge those feelings. This is important as children who lack vocabulary of feelings sometimes act out their feelings or find inappropriate words to express themselves.
What is Feelings?
This area in the Parenting Pyramid is where parents can have the greatest positive influence on the rest of the pyramid and on their children's behavior. The results from the efforts in this area are not visible immediately, but they are longer lasting and will manifest themselves years later.
What is your "Personal Way of Being"?
When emotions are high, this is often the first thing to breakdown in communication, yet it is crucial in communicating.
What is each person taking turns speaking and listening?
Anger, a Secondary Emotion, often manifests itself through bad behavior, like yelling, defensiveness, withdrawal, lying, etc. These and other negative behaviors can be categorized into 3 different ways that a person can react to the internal feeling of Anger.
What is Aggression, Internalization, and Passive-Aggressive Behavior?
Through this style of parenting, parents show high expectations for their children, but also show a high degree of warmth and responsiveness towards their children.
What is Authoritative Parenting?
Some children develop problems because their parents have unreasonable and inappropriate expectations for them, which can have long-term effects on them like developing feelings of inferiority, insecurity, anxiety, and depression. Elder Neal A. Maxwell declared that a tutoring God may require difficult things of His children, but He would never command His children to do difficult things, except He first does this (see 1 Nephi 3:7).
What is "prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which He commanded them"?
You've tried correcting your daughter and teaching your daughter, but it doesn't seem to be working. It may even be making things worse between the two of you. What is the best next strategy to work on according to the Parenting Pyramid?
What is your "Parent/Child Relationship"?
Often times, the problem solves itself between the two people once this happens as a result of using the Speaker-Listener Technique.
What is when both people feel heard?
According to President Kimball, Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from [this] on the part of the sinner.
What are "deep and unmet needs"?
In this style of parenting, parents show much warmth and love towards their children, but offer little guidance, direction, or correction. They do not set high expectations or standards for their children, nor insist and persist that they obey defined standards and values. They avoid confrontation.
What is Permissive Parenting?
Instead of pushing their children to do things before they are developmentally or personally ready, parents can provide this type of environment in which their children can learn and progress.
What is a secure and nurturing environment?