Destination Adulthood
Putty, Block, and Backbone Styles of Parenting
What are the Three Styles of Parenting?
Gifts; Time together; Compliments; Doing favors; Warm/non-sexual touches
What are The Five Love Languages?
Consequences put in place by parents to motivate children to stop certain behaviors
What are Logical Consequences?
Dismissive Parent, the Disapproving Parent, the Indulgent Parent, and the Emotion Coach
What are the four styles of parenting?
A brief, mild consequence that involves separating a child for 5-10 minutes when behavior is unacceptable
What is a Timeout?
Rigid, strict, punishing, harsh, and inflexible style of parenting
What is Block Parenting?
A way to honor and validate the individuality of each child in your family
What is know your child's love language?
Should be clear, specific, tell children what they can do, rather than what they can't, reasonable expectations for child's age
What are Household Rules?
Feels anger or other strong emotions are bad; feels threatened by child's emotions; feels child's strong emotions make the parent look bad; discounts child's emotions because he or she is "just a child"
Who is the Dismissive Parent?
Works best with toddlers through teenagers
What is ignoring?
Where the tools you select for a given situation depending on your child's age and personality are found
What is The Parenting Toolbox?
Concrete Ways to Show Love to Your Child
What is write a thoughtful card; use encouraging words; praise them in front of others; cook them a special meal; help them clean their room; one-on-one outings; go on walks; give them a flower or a stone; shop with them for a special gift; hold their hand; high five, (all reasonable answers accepted), etc.
Expect children not to like the rules; expect children to challenge the rules; expect children to test you and hassle you about the rules/consequences; expect to need emotional regulation, etc.
What are Reasonable Expectations?
Allows the child to express emotions, even in ways that are harmful; does not help child deal with emotions or solve problems causing the strong emotions; does not help child manage their out-of-control behavior
Who is the Indulgent Parent?
Works best with older babies, toddlers, and sometimes with preschoolers
What is Distraction/distracting?
"Guardrails" in our child's lives that course correct off-track behavior
What are: Rules, Monitoring, Rewards, Consequences, and Shaping the Environment?
Examples of opposites of the Five Love Languages
Emotionally harsh words; undue criticism; too much time with friends; isolation; large gaps of time away from each other; materialism; forgetting special events (birthday, graduation, award ceremony, etc.); forgetting promises, ignoring; physical abuse, threats, neglect (all reasonable answers accepted).
Parent Time, Special Outings, and Special Privileges
What are Logical Rewards?
Make a goal statement; brainstorm a list of possible solutions; consider pros and cons of possible solutions; help your child choose a solution
What is Problem-Solving with Children?
Verbally works best with all ages; Physically works best with children under age 3
What is Redirecting/redirection?
Metaphors for the child, the parent, the encouragements, the limits, boundaries, and directions in the child's life
What are the car, the gas station attendant, the "fuel", the guardrails, and road signs on the roadway?
Benefits of being aware of your own love language
What is being more proactive in getting needs met (by asking for a hug, a kind word, a favor, or through a small gift)?
3 R's of Logical Consequences
Related (to the inappropriate behavior)
Respectful (of the child's dignity as a human being)
Reasonable (not an over-reaction by the parent)
Five Steps of Emotion Coaching
What is tune into your child's emotions; recognize your child's emotions; as an opportunity to bond with him/her; show empathy by acknowledging emotions; help the child verbally name their emotions; set limits on behavior while helping the child to problem-solve?
Lasts longer than timeout; is reasonable but meaningful to the child; used when timeout is not working
What is Privilege Removal?