Unnominalizing
RAM issues
NYTimes Foibles
Modifiers and Punctuation
100

Application

Apply

100

The student who gazed out the windows, looking enviously at kids laughing and playing in the sun, thinking about the treasures of the Burke Museum, got the answer wrong. 

The student got the answer wrong after he gazed out the windows, looking enviously at kids laughing and playing in the sun, and thinking about the treasures of the Burke Museum.

100

•That may still be the case, but the success of small endowments like Southern Virginia’s suggest that they can outperform even their largest and most prestigious rivals by sticking to lower-cost strategies.

•The subject is “success,” not “endowments,” so make it “the success … suggests.”

100

He loves writing, research is not his favorite. 

Comma splice. 


He loves writing, but research is not his favorite. 
200

Beginning

Begin

200

The burglar robbed the woman with the knife. 

The knife-wielding burglar robbed the woman. 


(Borrowed from https://mytutorsource.hk/blog/ambiguous-sentences/ ). 

200

•Bird, a first-base prospect who the Yankees clung to at the nonwaiver trade deadline last July, was called up shortly afterward to provide a break for Mark Teixeira and designated hitter Alex Rodriguez.

•Make it “whom the Yankees clung to,” or simply drop the pronoun: “a first-base prospect the Yankees clung to …”

200

Being at peace with herself, the discovery phone call did not bother Martha. 

Being at peace with herself, Martha was not bothered by the discovery phone call. 

300

Murder

Murder

300

‘Mrs. Nicole was proved guilty of keeping an endangered species in the Athens Magistrates Court after being charged with stealing a rattlesnake from her neighbor’s property.’

In the Athens Magistrates Court, Mrs. Nicole was proved guilty of keeping an endangered species, a rattlesnake, after stealing it from a neighbor’s property.

(borrowed from https://mytutorsource.hk/blog/ambiguous-sentences/ ). 

300

•Meen is not one of those judges who drags out his decision as if he were telling a mystery story.

•Another familiar misstep. The relative clause is intended to describe “those judges” — the group of whom Meen is, in this case, not one example. Make it “those judges who drag out their decisions as if they were …” Or, alternatively, say “Meen is not the kind of judge who drags out …”

300

The president stood gloriously above the cheering crowds as he gave his message; I am a donut. 

The president stood gloriously above the cheering crowds as he gave his message: I am a donut. 

400

Her loud Bluebooking was distracting. 

It was distracting when she Bluebooked loudly. 

400

The contracts case, despite being from the 19th Century, and despite concerning such antiquated technology as horse-drawn wagons and mills parts, parts that are hard to picture today, was still read in every law school.

The contracts case was still read in every law school despite being from the 19th Century, and despite concerning such antiquated technology as horse-drawn wagons and mills parts, parts that are hard to picture today.  

400

•Each of the four networks rotate broadcast rights for the Emmys, and Mr. Kimmel and ABC will have their work cut out for them.

•“Each” doesn’t rotate; they all do. Make it “The four networks rotate …”

400

Walking toward the forest, the sun began to set. 

Walking towards the forest, I watched as the sun began to set. 


(borrowed from https://www.sjsu.edu/writingcenter/docs/handouts/Dangling%20Modifiers.pdf ). 

500

The analysis came to the correct conclusion: liability.

The class analyzed the problem and correctly concluded that the defendant was liable

500

Constructive discharge is a claim concerning working conditions that may be argued by a plaintiff in an ADEA case. When working conditions are so miserable that the plaintiff feels compelled to quit, that may be constructive discharge. Constant belittlement by a supervisor coupled with a cut in pay may constitute miserable working conditions.

A plaintiff in an ADEA case may argue their working conditions led to constructive discharge. Constructive discharge is found when working conditions are so miserable that the plaintiff feels compelled to quit. Such miserable conditions might include the plaintiff being constantly belittled by the supervisor coupled with plaintiff's pay being cut.

500

Mr. Rubio seemed to relish his new role as a mischievous and combative saboteur, theatrically reading Mr. Trump’s misspelled online postings in front of an audience in Dallas and describing what he said was Mr. Trump’s descent into anxiety-ridden sweatiness backstage in between commercial breaks at their debate Thursday night.

Presumably they were backstage “during” commercial breaks, not “in between.”

500

After reading the brief, the legal rationale remains unclear. 

After reading the brief, I still found the legal rationale unclear.