CLASSICS
A tiny dude with the emotional stability of a wet tissue is told he must return a piece of jewellery that isn’t even his. Instead of posting it, which would’ve solved 100% of his problems, he goes on the world’s longest hike with his best friend who is powered entirely by carbs and hope. Meanwhile, a creepy sleep-paralysis monster whispers “my precious” like he’s recording ASMR in a cave.
The Lord of the Rings
A girl weaponises poetry because a boy refuses to admit he likes her until the last possible second. Meanwhile, her sister falls for a dude who thinks hair gel and confidence are the same thing. High school is chaos, but at least the soundtrack slaps.
10 Things I Hate About You
A prince throws a tantrum, runs away, and lives his best bachelor lifestyle eating insects with two freeloaders who teach him how to avoid responsibility. Eventually, he returns home after realising hes royalty.
The Lion King
Teen volunteers to join a government-sponsored murder event because her little sister couldn't handle it. She befriends a bread enthusiast, fights people who have skincare influencer energy, and traumatises an entire nation live on TV.
The Hunger Games
A man loses control of his hands and gains control of reality, which feels like a dramatic upgrade. Buildings fold, time loops, and logic takes a break. A lot of bargaining takes place, infinitely
Doctor Strange
A teenage boy accidentally travels through time because a scientist—whose vibe is “invented caffeine dependency”—told him to stand near a car going 88 mph. The boy’s mum immediately tries to date him (gross), his dad needs motivational coaching to even speak, and somehow all of this is fixed with jazz hands and a skateboard.
Back to the Future
A girl commits identity theft against her own brother, becomes star athlete, and convinces an entire school that “different jawline, different height, different voice” is totally normal. Everyone is too distracted by soccer to question anything.
She’s the Man
A dad loses his son and responds by crossing an entire ocean despite having zero experience with long-distance travel. Along the way, he meets a friend who forgets everything constantly, which is not ideal for navigation. Meanwhile, the son is dealing with a completely different set of problems involving a dentists'.
Finding Nemo
A family has magical powers except for one girl, which seems like a pretty obvious setup for personal growth. Everyone avoids talking about their problems until the house itself starts falling apart out of frustration. There’s a lot of singing, glowing, and emotional revelations. The real villain is poor communication.
Encanto
A rich family gathers to be solve a murder mystery and be suspicious together while a detective with maximum vibes and a very distinct southern accent watches them argue. Everyone is lying, but in different crazy creative ways. The detective acts confused but is actually 10 steps ahead, probably enjoying the drama like a reality show. The entire movie is just:
“Who did it?”
“Everyone.”
“But also… one person specifically.”
Knives Out
A giant fish decides humans are no longer the apex predators and proceeds to clown an entire beach town. A sheriff, a fisherman with anger issues, and a scientist who is definitely not paid enough spend two hours getting bullied by this aquatic menace. No one goes swimming ever again.
Jaws
A sad divorced man learns how to flirt from another man who dresses like he’s sponsored by cologne. Everyone catches feelings for the wrong person, nobody communicates, and a teenager writes a love letter so dramatic Shakespeare would tell him to chill. He then hires a dating coach to help him sort out his love life but this said dating coach somehow ended up dating his daughter instead. its crazy indeed.
Crazy Stupid Love
A guy who seems both highly competent and completely unreliable teams up with people who probably should not trust him. There’s a curse that turns them into something slightly more inconvenient (Crusty and gross) than usual people. Everyone spends a lot of time betraying each other, forming alliances, and then immediately undoing those alliances. Also, there is an unusual focus on how to properly use a compass and getting a "pearl" darker than night.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearl.
A man experiences a minor inconvenience and responds by deleting an entire industry as the boogeyman. Everyone knows who he is, fears him, and still decides to bother him anyway, which is bold. There are rules, coins, and a hotel that somehow supports this lifestyle. The lesson is simple: do not harm a man's bestfriend
John Wick
A boy and a girl enter a world where spirits live in everything, trees are sacred, and bathhouses have strict HR rules for ghosts. One kid constantly panics, and the other is determined to save her parents by… running a lot.
Spirited Away
A family tries to avoid taxes by pretending they are normal, but their daughter keeps summoning demons and spinning her head like it’s her after-school hobby. Meanwhile, a priest with the “I haven’t slept in 11 years” aesthetic tries to fix everything with holy water and determination.
The Exorcist
A normal man dates a woman whose family is richer than the entire Australian housing market. He meets a grandmother who could melt steel with her glare, an aunt who feeds gossip like oxygen, and 47 cousins who all own three mansions each.
Crazy Rich Asians
A girl with weaponised hair is locked in a tower by someone who acts like a skincare influencer but is actually just manipulating her for clout and youth. A thief climbs her window (normal) and suddenly they form the fastest relationship in human history.
Tangled
A boy goes to a school where every subject is either “how to not die” or “how to make someone else explode.” He survives multiple murder attempts, wins a sport everyone cheats in, and the teachers genuinely do not care.
Harry Potter
A man discovers that reality is basically a very complicated computer prank. Instead of ignoring this information and going back to sleep like a normal person, he decides to learn kung fu instantly and wear a lot of black leather. Everyone speaks in riddles, slow-motion becomes a personality trait, and there’s a strong argument that spoons are optional. The movie raises deep philosophical questions but answers them mostly with cool fight scenes.
A guy wins a boat ticket in what is basically the world’s worst gambling decision. He then meets a girl who is rich but also bored, so naturally they hang out on a floating ice hazard. They do some light flirting, mild rebellion, and then the boat decides it doesn’t like existing anymore. There’s also a door that becomes the most controversial piece of furniture in cinematic history. The ocean really steals the show by being extremely cold and not very forgiving.
Titanic
A girl goes to a new school and immediately joins a cult led by a blonde dictator wearing pink. She slowly loses her identity, her dignity, and her ability to eat carbs without judgment. Eventually, everyone heals through violence, apologies, and a talent show.
Mean Girls
A teenager asks for help fixing a small problem and accidentally breaks reality instead. Suddenly, everyone is everywhere, including people who clearly belong in different movies and just points at each other. There’s a lot of emotional damage, swinging, and multiverse confusion. The solution is basically “this was a bad idea, let’s undo everything.”
Spider-man: No Way Home
A group of men live in the forest with one girl who is statistically not supposed to exist. A wizard who looks like he failed every subject at Hogwarts keeps trying to catch them for… cooking purposes? Eating purposes? Honestly his motivations are unclear but definitely unhinged.
The Smurfs
A guy accidentally becomes involved in every major historical event without really trying. He runs a lot, meets important people, and somehow excels at everything while insisting he’s not particularly smart. There’s a box of chocolates that gets more screen time than some characters, and a bench that might actually be the main character. Life lessons are delivered in a calm voice while chaos unfolds in the background. Honestly, it’s just a very long series of “wait, he did WHAT now?”
Forrest Gump