Conflict Cycle
What is the conflict cycle?
A cycle of thoughts, feelings, actions, and consequences that increase and escalate problem situations
A way of responding that makes the problem worse
What does it mean to STOP
Pay attention to your warning signs
Pay attention to how you are responding to the problem sitaution
What does it mean to describe something OBJECTIVELY?
Objective means to focus on the facts of the situation
Facts are not the same as your opinion of what happened
What are choices?
Options you have in a problem situation
Making a plan involves several parts. Name one part of an effective problem solving plan.
Identify who, where, and when
Identify what you will do or say
Identify how you will do or say it
Decide on a thought to get you started
Name the four parts of the conflict cycle
Problem
Warning Signs
Actions
Consequences
What are the three types of warning signs?
Physical reactions
Risky thoughts
Risky feelings
State a problem using the model:
I think/feel _________ because _________ and my risk reaction is to ______________________.
I think the medication I am on makes me tired because I have a hard time waking up in the morning and my risk reaction is to stop the medication.
I feel frustrated and angry because I don't have enough money to buy something I want and my risk reaction is to steal it.
What are consequences?
The outcome of your choice
Consequences can be good, bad, or neutral
Often, its not what you say that people pay attention to, its how you say it that makes a big impact.
What are some non-verbal skills you can use when thinking about how you will do your plan?
Ideas:
Eye contact
Calm voice
Relaxed posture
Personal space "bubble"
Facial expressions
What are three kinds of warning signs?
Risky thoughts
Risky feelings
Physical Reactions
What does it mean to THINK
Reduce your risk by getting your feelings under control
Goals should be positive and realistic
Define what POSITIVE and REALISTIC goals mean
Positive: Something that doesn't hurt you or others, leads to a good outcome for you AND others
Realistic: Something you can make happen
A friend lent you their expensive new headphones. While you are using them you accidently drop and break them.
Brainstorm three choices you have in this situation.
Ideas:
apologize to your friend and offer to replace them
ghost your friend and never talk to them again
buy a pair you can afford to replace them and hope your friend doesn't notice the difference
After you have created a plan it is time to do it. What are the DO and EVALUATE steps?
Do it!
Ask questions about how it went
Decide what to do next
Why should we use problem solving skills?
They will help you stay in control and stop the conflict cycle!
Name the three techniques you can use to think
Be quiet
Get space
Calm down
You are walking in the park and you see someone up ahead who is walking slowly with an unsteady gait and weaving back and forth on the sidewalk.
You think to yourself "that person must be drunk." Is this a fact or opinion?
Opinion
Facts: The person was walking slowly, the person was unsteady on their feet, the person was weaving back and forth on the sidewalk
Opinion: The person is drunk
A friend lent you their expensive new headphones. While you are using them you accidently drop and break them.
You brainstorm your choices and decide to ghost your friend and never talk to them again.
What are the potential consequences of this choice?
Ideas:
You lost that friend
You don't have to take responsibility for what you did
Other friends hear you are not trustworthy
What kinds of questions can you ask yourself to evaluate how it went?
Am I closer to my goal?
What parts of the plan worked best for me?
What parts of the plan worked best for others?
Share an example of a problem you have experienced and how the conflict cycle happened
Problem
Warning Signs
Action
Consequences
Talk about how to use the STOP and THINK skills in a real life problem situation
STOP: Physical reactions, risky thoughts, risky feelings
THINK: Be quiet, get space, calm down
Talk about how to use the STATE THE PROBLEM and SETTING A GOAL skills in a real life problem situation
I think/feel _______ because ________ and my risk reaction is to _________.
I want ________________, but I don't want ________________.
Talk about how to use the CHOICES and CONSEQUENCES skill in a real life problem situation
Brainstorm choices
Think about the consequences for each choice
Pick a choice to help you get to your goal
Talk about how to MAKE A PLAN and DO AND EVALUATE in a real life problem situation
Make a plan: Who, where, when, what you will do or say, how you will do or say it, decide on a thought to get you started
Do and evaluate: Do it, ask questions, decide what to do next