Steps to Success
True or False: You can use up all your self-control in a day, so you should ration it out.
TRUE! It is a limited resource, so we need to decide how to best make use of it to reach our goals.
Why are boundaries important?
- prevent people from taking advantage of you
- reduce stress
- avoid getting swept up in drama
- keep us safe and well
What are 3 things you can do in less than 2 minutes?
(The 2 Minute Rule)
wipe your sink
book an appointment
take your medication
change your clothes
take out the garbage
What are the 4 tendencies when it comes to habit formation?
Obliger
Questioner
Upholder
Rebel
True or False: When we think we can EASILY achieve a goal we are actually setting ourselves up for failure.
TRUE!
Acknowledging that it may be hard can keep us motivate when temptation occurs. We tend to put in less effort when we think something will be really easy.
How is self-control like a muscle?
- you can strengthen it through practice
- if you overuse it it gets tired
- resting it helps it regain strength
True or False: Boundaries can be too rigid.
TRUE!
Too rigid boundaries can look like 'having our walls up'. They prevent others from knowing us and supporting us. Makes it hard to ask for help.
True or False: Making something a routine helps because you don't have to make decisions about when to get something done.
TRUE!
Often the worst part of doing something you hate is THINKING about having to do it. When you make it a routine you cut this part out and just do it when it is scheduled into your day.
Why is it helpful to know what tendency we are when it comes to setting goals or starting a new healthy habit?
- understand what motivates you to do something (is it pleasing others or pleasing yourself?)
- can work with our strengths and manage our weaknesses
What are some ways you can strengthen your self-control muscle?
Your muscle is strengthened with practice:
- say 'no' to small temptations
- start a new simple routine (like saying hi to someone every morning)
- hold out against bigger temptations as long as you can (try to go a little longer each time)
Why do goals need to be specific (rather than vague)?
- Keep us motivated
- help us celebrate achievements
What is the difference between hard and soft boundaries?
Hard boundaries are your non-negotiables.
Soft boundaries are flexible. They are things you would like to happen or aspire towards.
What is the Pomodoro Technique?
Setting a timer for the amount of time you will work at something and then resting afterwards.
True or False: If your natural tendency isn't working well for you, you can switch to a different one.
FALSE: You are born with a certain tendency. It's practically impossible to change it
BUT you can change your circumstance to better suit your tendency.
We can set boundaries around physical contact. What are examples of other things we can set boundaries around?
Emotional Boundaries
Verbal Boundaries
Time Boundaries
Work Boundaries
Spiritual Boundaries
Financial Boundaries
Sexual Boundaries
True or False: To achieve your goal you should convince yourself it will be really easy to do.
FALSE!
If we think it's easy we won't put in the effort. It is better to think positively about our ability to overcome obstacles.
What are some reasons you might want to set boundaries around lending money or cigarettes?
- history of not getting paid back
- not have enough for yourself
- causes you stress
- impacts your feelings about the person who borrowed from you
How can having a growth mindset around doing things you hate be helpful?
- see challenges as an opportunity for growth and development
- even if we fail, we can learn something
- through practice we develop knowledge and skill
- the effort we put into something MATTERS
This tendency is likely to say, "I'll comply if you convince me why." ?
Questioner
They will only do something if they agree with the reasons why it needs to be done.
If you want to motivate yourself and increase your self-control should you focus on WHY the goal is important to you OR the STEPS it takes to achieve it?
To increase motivation and self-control focus on your WHY.
If a goal feels really big or you aren't sure where to start focus on the small steps it takes to get there.
Explain the 'if/then' technique to keep yourself on track with your goals.
Make a plan: If X happens, I will do Y.
"IF its after 7pm and I want some chips THEN I will distract myself by listening to music."
Give an example of a boundary you could set around a friend who complains a lot (which ends up putting you in a bad mood)?
" I'm not able to hang out right now, but maybe we can spend time together later this week."
" I'll go to the mall with you, but not if you are going to be complaining the whole time."
True or False: Everyone has things they hate to do (but need to get done anyway)
TRUE!
Acknowledging this can help us practice self-compassion. It's normal to dislike certain tasks, so we need to be kind to ourselves about getting them done.
True or False:
The same strategies that work for someone on Youtube to start a new habit will definitely work for you too.
FALSE: Certain strategies work for each tendency. So don't get discouraged if someone else's strategy doesn't work for you.
How would you motivate an OBLIGER to start a new healthy habit?
- make them accountable to others
- have regular meetings to check in with someone
- plan to do it with a friend
- think about how your future self will feel better