childhood trauma
my dad made me immune to many poisonous substances via exposure therapy, including tea from this plant which is best known for killing socrates
What is hemlock?
this stimulant was first recommended to me in third grade, and i now have approximately 200 pills on deck because i cannot for the life of me remember to take it. it is the most commonly abused adhd medication.
i was preliminarily diagnosed with this uber-popular disorder by a therapist at eight years old
What is ADHD?
this intolerance is (devastatingly) Not preventable no matter how much dairy you consume per day (i don't believe her)
What is lactose intolerance?
a boy with whom i went on one date who would change his socks once a week in the winter (sock change sunday) was named after this former Roman capital city (hint: it's not istanbul!)
What is Constantinople?
my dad spent sabine and my childhood training us for this illegal profession
What is assassin?
i first tried this 12-hour psychedelic at the age of 13
What is LSD/acid?
my parents fired multiple psychiatrists for saying i had this disorder, which is primarily characterized by hallucinations and delusions
What is schizophrenia?
i should continue to eat at this fast food chain 10+ times per week in order to keep from passing out due to my low blood pressure
What is McDonald's?
this boy who [1. worked his way into my high school friend group 2. told me he'd kill himself if he was ever rejected by a girl 3. listened to me tell him i was not romantically interested in him and THEN 4. asked me out] shares a name with one of taylor swift's wide-age-gap exes from her Speak Now album
What is John?
my mother made sabine and me quit eating this food for six weeks because she said i was "addicted" ... and then i had actual withdrawal symptoms :/
What is sugar?
this benzodiazepine was one of the addictions for which John Mulaney went to rehab, and i have thousands of dollars' worth of it sitting in my bedside table
What is clonazepam/klonopin?
i used to argue with guys who typed me as their "manic pixie dream girl" until i was (embarrassingly) diagnosed with this disorder
What is bipolar 1?
i should supplement my diet with this type of drink to get the calories i need to balance out my exercise habits
What is milkshake?
two years after he TA'd my eighth grade science class, this twenty-year-old boy went from being my close friend and confidante to a very mean and obsessive stalker until i convinced him he couldn't possibly be in love with me because i wasn't a good enough person to merit his affections! he shares a name with one of Michelangelo's most famed micropenis sculptures.
What is David?
my dad used to keep this type of wooden instrument on his windowsill and tell me he would beat me with it if i committed certain normal childhood trangressions such as waking him up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare
What is a stick?
i am currently taking how many antipsychotic medications?
What is two?
unlike my (tragic) sister, i do not have ANY disorders of this common umbrella variety
What is anxiety?
i should eat this food for breakfast for its energy benefits and dense caloric value
What is ice cream?
my high school/early college girlfriend (who insisted that we were girlfriends, but not dating) gave me my undercut and then wore the braid that she cut off as a rat tail for months. she went by brian for a little while in tenth grade, but then switched back to her very similar given name
What is Brianna?
when i wore short shorts in middle school my dad would make me stand on a chair at the kitchen table and slowly turn around in front of the whole family while he pointed and laughed and said "look how [what?] her legs are!"
What is "fat"?
the first time i tried microdosing this psychedelic on my own (it had previously always been dosed for me by other, more knowledgeable people) i accidentally took 12 times the recommended non-micro dose and proceeded to have a really fun time at morning track practice
What is LSD/acid?
i wholeheartedly believe that this individual is god
Who is Jasper?
my average daily consumption of this number of servings of dessert is okay!
What is five?
the grown adult manager at the chocolate store on the way home from my high school when i was a freshman (who would lock us in the store together after hours and let me eat as much chocolate as i wanted while he (unsolicited) took off his shirt and showed me his tattoos) was named after this fallen angel of wisdom
What is Uriel?