Setting Boundaries
When setting a boundary, no means...
No
What are physical boundaries?
Privacy of personal space and preference of physical touch.
Who can you set a boundary with?
Anyone
More personal relationships may require more communication.
Holding hands with a friend?
No
Holding hands is appropriate with family, romantic partners, or in crowds.
Holding hands can be appropriate in elementary school aged children.
Can you date?
You can date at school.
King's Home does not give residents permission to date each other.
When setting a boundary, stay on...
Task
Clearly state your boundary.
Don't get distracted by side arguments.
What is an emotional boundary?
Respect for the other persons emotions and feelings.
When can you set a boundary?
Anytime
More effective when one-on-one in a quiet and calm setting.
Hugging a friend?
Yes - hugging a friend with permission is appropriate
Can you cuddle?
At King's Home we discourage cuddling as it is generally an activity done with a romantic partner of family member.
When setting a boundary, keep your voice...
Calm and respectful
Avoid raising your voice
What is a material boundary?
Respecting a persons personal property when it comes to giving or lending.
Do I have to say my boundary?
No - there are many nonverbal ways to set boundaries.
Kissing a friend?
Generally no
Usually kissing, even on the cheek, is meant for family or a romantic partner.
Can you share belongings with other residents?
At King's Home we prohibit sharing as the item shared may be lost, damaged, or broken and King's Home will not replace it.
What kind of body language when setting a boundary?
Confident
Sit up straight, look at the person, and use calm gestures to communicate.
What is a sexual boundary?
One's own comfort or discomfort with sexual touch and the ability to give or withhold consent.
What if they don't respect my boundary?
Enforce boundaries by following through with predetermined consequences, such as ending conversations, walking away, or reducing contact. Consistency is key, as is acknowledging that you cannot control their actions, only your own reactions.
Sharing belongings with a friend
Yes, sharing belongings with a friend when given permission is common and appropriate when both parties respect each other.
Can you give gifts to other residents?
Yes - Giving gifts can be appropriate on a special occasion like a birthday or at Christmas.
That said, giving gifts can also be a sign of romantic affection and is discouraged outside of special holidays.
Boundary Consequences
Clearly communicate what those consequences are when setting them.
What is a time boundary?
Timeliness and respecting the other person's availability to spend time with you.
What if I don't like someone else's boundary?
Go to the person in a calm setting and talk about it.
Explain your viewpoint and try to figure out a compromise.
If a compromise can't be met, respect their decision and decide what your going to do.
Cuddling with a friend
Generally no
Cuddling is generally reserved for intimate relationships like family or romantic partners.
What should you do if a boundary has been violated by a peer at King's Home.
Talk with the peer.
If that doesn't work, go to staff.
If that doesn't work, write a grievance and follow up with your counselor or site director.