Healthy v. Unhealthy
When given the choice of having a partner who treats you as an equal (A) vs. a partner who seeks control (B), who is the "healthy" partner?
A = The Healthy Partner
Equality in relationships is vital to developing a healthy relationship; this can be in a romantic or friendship sense. A lack of equality generally results in an imbalanced dynamic and toxic interactions.
- Make sure Marty is okay
- Leave the area/party where Marty is present
- Take Marty home/ to bed so he does not hurt anyone
- Communicate their feelings to Marty to have him understand his behavior is inappropriate/ unwelcome
Controlling, demeaning, cruel, untrustworthy, intimidating, and dishonest. (A)
Kind, trusting & trustworthy, honest, respectful, and open. (B)
Which person is a Cactus, which is a flower?Cactus = A
Flower= B
Moira's partner calls her stupid and makes fun of her appearance when she is bare-faced almost every day.
RED Flag
Negative talk and cutting down of a partner is not okay. This can tear down an individuals self-esteem.
Alison and Emily are best friends and Emily tells Alison who she can and cannot hang out with. Alison responds to this with hostility and anger.
What are the healthy/unhealthy aspects in this relationship?
Unhealthy.
Emily is controlling (unhealthy) and likely jealous of other people in Alison's life. (Unhealthy)
Alison is hostile (unhealthy) and reacts with anger rather than expressing her emotions.
Donna's boyfriend hits her when he is mad. They have talked about it while he is calm and he always says it will never happen again but it always does.
What do you think Donna should do?
- Leave the relationship.
- Ensure she has a safe place to go
- Seek therapy for herself ( and partner )
- Contact the police*
*Especially if she is scared for her life/ retaliation
Liam, Claire, and Tony all work together. Claire and Liam dated for over a year and that relationship ended about 9 months ago when Liam cheated on Claire. Tony wants to take Claire out but Liam thinks that Tony shouldn't date Claire because Tony and Liam are friends.
What kind of friendship/ relationship dynamic is this?
Liam is a cactus for BOTH: He cheated on Claire and now that they are no longer together he is trying to control who she dates.
Tony: Cactus- he is considering dating his friends ex despite his friends uncomfortableness with this potential coupling.
Claire- Neutral, not enough information but at this point she has done nothing wrong.
Alison and her partner communicate regularly throughout the week and talk/text at least once a day.
WHITE flag.
Communication is important in all relationships and checking in once a day is not too extreme or crossing a boundary. It ensures that both parties feel validated and "heard" in the relationship.
Elias tells Anne that he is only interested in her and is seeing no one else. Anne is skeptical because they are not technically dating but believes him anyways. Elias is also seeing three other women and they all know about Anne but she does not know about them.
Is this healthy or unhealthy?
Unhealthy.
Anne does not trust Elias (unhealthy)
Elias lies to Anne about the other women in his life and is dishonest about his intentions/feelings. (unhealthy)
Vlad said something that hurt his friend Charlie's feelings. Charlie has just confronted Vlad about the hurtful thing Vlad said and explained how what was said made him feel.
What do you think Vlad should do?
- Listen to what Charlie is saying
- Consider what Charlie said, try to understand his POV
- Empathize with Charlie; clear up any confusion
- Apologize to Charlie
Aly and Cass spend a lot of time together since starting a group project for class. They hangout almost every day and talk about what is bothering them.
They both feel supported by each other and feel a mutual understanding of each other. They are both very comfortable in their friendship and they trust each other and want the best for each other.
What kind of friendship is this?
Flower; mutual respect and trust for each other. Each person feels supported and wants to support the other. This is a healthy relationship because there is equality and genuine caring attitudes.
Mark's partner hits him when she is mad. Mark never hits her back and has started to stay home to avoid making her mad.
RED flag!
Physical aggression and abuse is abuse. Abuse is not okay and this can lead to a cycle that is difficult to break.
Pete and Dave laugh all the time. They are always telling jokes and laughing at silly things that happen over the course of their hangouts.
Is this healthy or unhealthy?
Healthy! Being able to laugh and enjoy the company of your friends/peers is an indicator of a healthy relationship. Humor means the relationship is enjoyable for both parties.
Jeffrey was just "ghosted" by his girlfriend of 2 months. He feels devastated.
What should he do?
- find coping mechanisms for breakups
- spend more time with friends
- Block/quit contact with ex-girlfriend (limit the amount of potential she has to inflict further pain.)
- Learn to accept rejection, with or without closure, and use coping skills to move on
- Positive self-talk; "It is not my loss it is theirs... I am deserving of a loving relationship..."
Emma makes Dena feel bad about her sense of style and is very discouraging about any of Dena's career or relationship pursuits. Dena plays along because she doesn't want to argue.
What kind of friend is Emma?
Emma is a cactus friend; she cuts down Dena and degrades her style and pursuits.
A healthy friendship is full of support, understanding, and motivation to achieve and grow.
Kate's boyfriend gets mad when she is preoccupied with homework or family and tells her that she "clearly doesn't care about him."
RED flag
Both partners in a relationship should be free to have their own lives that can sometimes make them preoccupied or busy without being questioned/interrogated or made to feel guilty.
Luigi feels on edge around Diane because they live different lifestyles and he is attempting to hide his drug use from Diane which makes him uneasy because he is being dishonest because he is worried Diane will judge him. Diane feels comfortable with Luigi when they are together but once they are no longer together Diane fears what Luigi is doing behind her back.
Healthy or Unhealthy?
Unhealthy.
Luigi is being dishonest, he is not comfortable with Diane- he is hiding.
Diane is not truly comfortable with Luigi- a healthy relationship would have partners who trust and are comfortable with each other even when they are apart.
What should Erica do?
- Spend time with Caitlin
- Ensure Caitlin hears positive reinforcement for any steps she makes; getting out of bed, clean her house, eating a meal etc.
- Wellness check Caitlin; check in, ask how she is doing, pay attention to signs of worsening behavior
- Encourage Caitlin to seek professional help
Jessie was caught on video talking negatively about Taryn who is supposed to be one of her best friends. Lena sent the video of Jessie saying mean things about Taryn to Taryn on Snapchat. Jessie lied to Taryn about the video and said she was talking about someone else; Taryn did not believe her but continues to be her friend because she feels like she cannot lose anyone, especially because Jessie gets her into parties.
Cactus or flower Friends?
Cactus friends.
Jessie is a cactus: Real friends who care about each other will not talk about their friends in negative ways.
Lena: Cactus or flower; depends on the motivation behind sending the video.
Taryn: Cactus. She does not trust Jessie and continues to be her friend because she thinks she needs all the friends she possibly can have for her own benefit. Not love, convenience.
Brandon encourages his partner to go out and spend time with her friends and tells her he wants her to "have some fun and relax."
WHITE flag
Brandon encourages his partner to go out and have fun which demonstrates his trust for his partner and a respect for her individuality.