Drafting
Which of the following sentences should be added to the passage to strengthen the focus of the story?
A) Jared had never been afraid of heights before, but this was different.
B) Jared’s heart raced as he thought about jumping off the cliff.
C) Jared remembered his first day at camp when he was so nervous.
D) The sun was shining brightly, and the birds were chirping.
B) Jared’s heart raced as he thought about jumping off the cliff.
Which sentence should be revised to make the passage clearer?
(12) He was at the top of the cliff with him, saying something about how strong the rope was.
A) Change "He" to "Andrea."
B) Change "him" to "Jared."
C) Change "saying something about how strong the rope was" to "talking about the strength of the rope."
D) No change is needed.
B) Change "him" to "Jared."
Which of the following is a complete sentence?
A) Running through the park, it started to rain.
B) She went to the store and.
C) He finished his homework.
D) After we finished dinner.
C) He finished his homework.
What change needs to be made in sentence 10?
(10) There were hard times, like when we climmed the backyard tree and fell.
F Change were to was
G Change climmed to climbed
H Change fell to falled
J No change needs to be made.
G Change climmed to climbed
What change, if any, should be made in sentence 21?
(21) I thought about skipping the Event altogether.
F Change I thought to Thought
G Change skipping to skiping
H Change Event to event
J Make no change
H Change Event to event
Which sentence should be added to improve the pacing of Jared’s decision to rappel?
A) He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he could take the plunge.
B) The sky was clear, and the weather was perfect for rappelling.
C) Andrea encouraged him to keep going.
D) Jared’s friends cheered him on from the bottom of the cliff.
A) He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he could take the plunge.
Which revision would improve the clarity and flow of the passage?
(10) Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel.
A) Change "Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel" to "Jared wanted to rappel, but he wasn’t sure he could."
B) Change "Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel" to "Jared wanted to rappel, and that was his goal."
C) Change "Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel" to "Jared thought about rappelling, but he was nervous."
D) No change is needed.
B) Change "Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel" to "Jared wanted to rappel, and that was his goal."
What is the correct way to write sentences 17 and 18?
(17) All the attention prompted Blare to create an organization.
(18) Called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
A All the attention prompted Blare to create an organization. Which he called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
B All the attention prompting Blare to create an organization called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
C All the attention prompted Blare to create an organization, it was called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
D All the attention prompted Blare to create an organization called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
D All the attention prompted Blare to create an organization called Blare’s Bears for Haiti.
How does sentence 4 need to be changed?
(4) These shoes have become more then just footwear to me.
A Change have become to has become
B Change then to than
C Change to me to too me
D Sentence 4 does not need to be changed.
B Change then to than
How does sentence 23 need to be changed?
(23) Like a true friend, it encouraged me.
A Change it to they
B Change me to us
C Change the period to a comma
D Sentence 23 does not need to be changed.
A Change it to they
Claire’s paper ends abruptly and leaves the reader wondering what happens next. Which sentence should Claire add to the end of her paper?
(27) Jared suddenly realized that he had made it to the bottom.
(28) His legs were still a bit shaky as he gave Andrea a high five.
(29) But Jared knew exactly what his first words would be now that he had made it down.
F He had made it down and had actually rappelled.
G “Where’s my snack?” he asked the counselors.
H He didn’t have a doubt about what he wanted to say.
J “Can I do it again?” he shouted with excitement.
J “Can I do it again?” he shouted with excitement.
Claire forgot to include an important detail in the last paragraph (sentences 16–29).
With trembling legs he took his first step.
Reread the paragraph carefully. Where is the BEST place to insert this sentence?
A After sentence 19
B After sentence 20
C After sentence 21
D After sentence 26
B After sentence 20
Claire What is the most effective way to combine sentences 24 and 25?
(24) He made his way steadily down. (25) A grin began to spread over his face.
F Since he made his way steadily down with a grin, it began to spread over his face.
G He made his way steadily down because a grin began to spread over his face.
H As he made his way steadily down, a grin began to spread over his face.
J He made his way steadily down a grin began to spread over his face.
H As he made his way steadily down, a grin began to spread over his face.
What change should be made in sentence 29?
(29) Ive already reserved a spot on my shelf where my red tennis shoes can retire.
F Change Ive to I’ve
G Change already to alreddy
H Change where to were
J No change should be made.
F Change Ive to I’ve
What change should be made in sentence 4?
(4) When Abigail Lupi, of Stockholm, New Jersey, was just seven years old, she wanted to do something special for her great-grandmothers 100th birthday.
A Change special to speshial
B Change her to their
C Change great-grandmothers to great-grandmother’s
D No change should be made.
C Change great-grandmothers to great-grandmother’s
Which of these sentences can BEST follow and support sentence 15?
(15) At the bottom of the cliff, Andrea was also connected to the rope.
A She would help keep the rope tight and make sure Jared was safe coming down.
B Andrea had been such a good friend, and looking down at her right now made Jared think of all the fun they had had.
C Jared was feeling great and stepped back from the cliff to look around at all the beautiful scenery.
D Andrea was right there, connected to the rope that Jared was connected to at the bottom of the cliff.
A She would help keep the rope tight and make sure Jared was safe coming down.
Claire wants to strengthen the focus of her story. Which of the following is the BEST replacement for sentence 10?
(9) It looked so cool—but so scary at the same time! (10) Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel. (11) Now Jared was hooked up to a rope by a complicated mass of straps.
A Being at camp had been a wonderful experience for Jared and the other kids.
B Jared was sometimes a little afraid to do things he had never done before.
C Today was Jared’s last chance to overcome his fear and give rappelling a try.
D Even though the others had been rappelling down the side of the cliff, Jared didn’t want to.
C Today was Jared’s last chance to overcome his fear and give rappelling a try.
What is the correct way to write sentence 13?
(13) For the fourth-grade class hike, a lot of kids wore new hiking shoes, they were sturdy.
A For the fourth-grade class hike, there were a lot of kids they wore new hiking shoes that were sturdy.
B For the fourth-grade class hike. A lot of kids wore new hiking shoes, and they were sturdy.
C For the fourth-grade class hike, a lot of kids wore new hiking shoes. That were sturdy.
D For the fourth-grade class hike, a lot of kids wore sturdy, new hiking shoes.
D For the fourth-grade class hike, a lot of kids wore sturdy, new hiking shoes.
The meaning of sentence 12 is unclear. What change can Claire make to improve the clarity of this sentence?
(12) He was at the top of the cliff with him, saying something about how strong the rope was.
F Change He to Another counselor
G Change cliff to spot
H Change him to them
J Change the rope to it
F Change He to Another counselor
What change, if any, should be made in sentence 10?
(10) I like to brighten up people’s days and help them have a fun time,” says Abigail.
F Insert quotation marks at the beginning of the sentence
G Delete the comma
H Change says to say’s
J Make no change
F Insert quotation marks at the beginning of the sentence