Funny
What is never hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey because it is always stuffed
Spelled forwards I'm what you do everyday, spelled backwards I'm something you hate. What am I?
Live
he was in a casket.
What game can be dangerous to yuor mental health?
Marbles because you might lose them.
Why did the doctor switch jobs?
He lost his patients
There is an apple tree on a cliff. If the wind is blowing 15mph to the West, where would the apple fall?
Down!
Those who have it least don't know that they have it. Those who have it most wish they had less of it, but not too little or none at all. What is it?
Age
A man kills his wife and hides the body in some bushes. The next day the police call and say his wife has been murdered and tell the man to come to the crime scene right away. As soons as the man gets there he is arrested Why?
The police never told him where the crime scene was.
Why do basketball players love donuts?
Because they can dunk them
What can one not keep, two hold, and three destroy?
A secret
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chiar?
Because she likes to rock and roll
Slayer of regrets, old and new, sought by many, found by few. What am I?
Redemption
When I take five and add six, I get eleven, but when I take sixe and add seven, I get one. What am I?
A clock
Two silk worms were in a race. Who won?
Neither, it ended in a tie
Round like a apple, deep like cup, yet all the kings horses cannot pull it up What is it?
A well
Why did I go golfing with two pairs of pants on?
I am neither a guest or a trespasser be, to this place I belong, it belongs also to me.
Home
A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opens the door to find a man whom she has never seen before. The man said "oh I'm sorry, I thought this was my room." He then went own the hallway and took the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned security. Why?
You don't knock on the door of your own room.
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she is always running away from the ball
What can always be measured but never can be seen?
Time
What gives you the strength and power to walk through walls?
Only one color, but not one size, stick at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm, and feeling no pain. What is it?
A shadow
A man is trapped in a room. The room has only tw possible exits: two doors. Through the first door there is a room constructed from magnifying glass. The blazing hot sun instatly fries anything or anyone that enters. Through the 2nd door there is a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
He waits for night and goes through the 1st door.
How do football players stay cool during a game?
They stand next to the fans.
What is hard to find but easy to lose, worth more than gold but costs less than a penny?
A friend