Funny
Why did I go golfing with two pairs of pants on?
just in case I get a hole in 1.
Spelled forwards I'm what you do every day, spelled backwards I'm something you hate. What am I?
LIVE/EVIL?
A man robs his own house and hides the merchandise in some bushes. The next day the police call and say we've found your stolen merchandise and tells the man to come to the crime scene right away. As soon as the man gets there he is arrested. Why?
THE POLICE NEVER TOLD HIM THE LOCATION OF THE CRIME SCENE?
What turns everything around but does not move?
MIRROR
Mr. Red lives in the red house. Mr. Blue lives in the blue house. Mrs. Pink lives in the pink house. Who lives in the white house?
JOE BIDEN THE PRESIDENT
What is never hungry during Thanksgiving?
a stuffed turkey
I come from a mine and get surrounded by wood. Everyone uses me, what am I?
PENCIL
When I take five and add six, I get eleven, but when I take six and add seven, I get one. What am I?
CLOCK
What question can you never honestly say yes to?
ARE YOU ASLEEP
If you have me you want to share me, if you share me you won't have me. What am I?
A SECRET
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
She likes to rock and roll
I have two arms, but fingers none. I have two feet, but cannot run. I carry well, but I have found I carry with my feet off the ground. What am I?
WHEELBARROW
A man leaves home and turns left three times. When he returns home he finds two men wearing masks. Who are the two men?
UMPIRE AND THE CATCHER?
What belongs to you but other people use it more than you do?
YOUR NAME
If I drink, I die. If I eat, I am fine. What am I?
FIRE
There is an apple tree on a cliff. If the wind is blowing 15mph to the west, where would the apple fall?
Down
Only one color, but not one size, stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, doing no harm and feeling no pain. What is it?
SHADOW
A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opens the door to find a man whom she has never seen before. The man said, "oh I'm sorry, I thought this was my room." He then went down the hallway and took the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned security. Why?
YOU DON'T KNOCK ON THE DOOR OF YOUR OWN ROOM
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
YOUR BREATH
I'm tall when I'm young and short when I'm old. What am I?
CANDLE
What gives you the strength and power to walk through walls?
Doors
Those who have it least don't know that they have it. Those who have it most wish they had less of it, but not too little or none at all. What is it?
Age
A bus driver goes the wrong way on a one-way street. He passes the cops but they don't stop him. Why?
BECAUSE HE WAS WALKING
What word is always pronounced wrong?
WRONG
I start with M, end with X, and have a never-ending amount of letters. What am I?
MAILBOX