LORAX HARD
What can one catch that is not thrown?
A cold
If you had only one match and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some kindling wood, and a newspaper, which would you light first?
The match
How could a man go outside in the pouring rain without protection, and not have a hair on his head get wet?
He was bald
“The attorney is my brother,” testified the accountant. But the attorney testified he did not have a brother. Who is lying?
Neither one, because the accountant was his sister
What is it that goes up, but never comes down?
Age
What word would you use to describe a man who does not have all his fingers on one hand?
Normal, because people usually have half their fingers on one hand.
If you have a bowl with six apples and you take away four, how many do you have?
The 4 you took away
How did the boy kick his soccer ball ten feet, and then have it come back to him on its own?
He kicked it up
Some months have 31 days, others have 30 days, but how many have 28 days?
All the months have 28 days
What goes up and down, but always remains in the same place?
Stairs
What is always coming, but never arrives?
Tomorrow
What is it that if you have, you want to share me, and if you share, you do not have?
A secret
If you spell “sit in the tub” s-o-a-k, and you spell “a funny story” j-o-k-e, how do you spell “the white of an egg”?
a-l-b-u-m-e-n or e-g-g w-h-i-t-e
If an electric train is moving north at 100mph and a wind is blowing to the west at 10mph, which way does the smoke blow?
An electric train has no smoke
Uncle Bill’s farm had a terrible storm and all but seven sheep were killed. How many sheep are still alive?
Seven
What can be broken, but is never held?
A promise
If a plane crashes on the border between the United States and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?
Survivors are not buried.
Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister?
No, but since he is dead it would be hard to do so.
How was it possible that every single person in an airplane crash died, but two people survived?
The two survivors were married.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?
A widow
What is it that lives if it is fed, and dies if you give it a drink?
Fire
If it takes eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men?
No time, because the wall is already built.
If Mrs. John’s bungalow is decorated completely in pink, with the walls, carpet, and furniture all shades of pink, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs, because bungalows do not have a second floor.
What breaks and never falls, and what falls and never breaks?
Day breaks and night falls
What do you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush