Classroom
What happened to the plant in the math classroom?
It grew square roots, of course.
You live in a one story house made entirely of redwood. What color would the stairs be?
What stairs? You live in a one-story house.
What can you catch but not throw?
A Cold
David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle, and _____?
David
Why is Europe like a frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom.
Why does the teacher wear sunglasses when she comes to the class?
Because the students are bright.
What has six faces, but does not wear makeup, has twenty-one eyes, but cannot see? "What is it?"
A die (dice)
A bus driver was heading down a street in Colorado. He went right past a stop sign without stopping, he turned left where there was a "no left turn" sign, and he went the wrong way on a one-way street. Then he went on the left side of the road past a cop car. Still - he didn't break any traffic laws. Why not?
He was walking...not driving.
What belongs to you but is used more by others?
Your name.
Samuel was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this happen?
This man is bald!
What are the science teacher's favorite states?
Solid, Liquid, Gas. The states of all matter.
A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him underwater for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
What 4-letter word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?
NOON
I make two people out of one. What am I?
A mirror
There are two monkeys on a tree and one jumps off. Why does the other monkey jump too?
Monkey see monkey do.
What's the difference between a Teacher and a Train?
The Teacher says "Spit out your gum!" And the train says "Chew, Chew, Chew!"
Always in you, Sometimes on you; If I surround you, I can kill you. What am I?
Water
How can you leave a room with two legs and return with six legs?
Bring a chair back with you.
What is more useful when it is broken?
An egg.
Why did Tigger go to the bathroom?
He wanted to find his friend, Pooh!
Where do fish go on vacation?
Finland
I have a little house in which I live all alone. It has no doors or windows, and if I want to go out I must break through the wall. What am I?
A chick in an egg.
If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
You would be in the 2nd place. You thought first place, right? Well, you passed the guy in second place, not first.
I am white when I am dirty, and black when I am clean. What am I?
A blackboard.
Why did Snap, Crackle and Pop get scared?
They heard there was a cereal killer on the loose.
Where do zombies go on vacation
The Dead Sea
I Am A Word Of Six; My First Three Letters Refer To An Automobile
A carpet
A man in a car saw a Golden Door, Silver Door and a Bronze Door. What door did he open first?
The car door.
I am as light as a feather, yet no man can hold me for long. What am I?
Your Breath
If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the student's homework in his father's handwriting?
Because the student borrowed his pen.
Two girls have the same parents and were born at the same hour on the same day of the same month, but they are not twins. How can this be possible?
They were not born in the same year
A horse was tied to a rope 5 meters long and the horse's food was 15 meters away from the horse. How did the horse reach the food?
The rope wasn't tied to anything so he could reach the food.
They have not flesh, nor feathers, nor scales, nor bone. Yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own. What are they?
Gloves
There are 30 cows in a field, and 28 chickens. How many didn't?
10. Listen closely: 30 cows and twenty-eight chickens. Say EIGHT and ATE. They sound the same. Therefore, it means 20 ATE chickens. 30-20=10, so 10 cows didn't eat any chickens.