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Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It didn't peel well
What kind of shoes do burglars wear?
Sneakers
What did the elevator say when it sneezed?
I think I'm coming down with something
What travels the world while staying in the corner?
A stamp
Why did the bicycle collapse?
It was two tired
How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut
Why did the robber jump in the shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?
Neither of them - they both weigh exactly one pound
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match
A man was going to buy a $5000 car, but he didn't pay a penny for the car, how is this possible?
He payed $5,000 not a penny
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty
Why should you never buy anything with Velcro?
It's a total rip-off
What’s as big as an elephant but weighs absolutely nothing?
The elephant's shadow.
What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it?
An envelope
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
When do people start using their trampoline?
Spring time
How can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday?
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anti-bodies
A blue house is made of blue bricks. A yellow house is made of yellow bricks. A red house is made of red bricks. An orange house is made of orange bricks. What would a greenhouse be made of?
Glass
What is the best way to burn 1,000 calories?
Leave a pizza in the oven