Exercise your judgement
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
your breath
You can touch me, You can break me, You should win me if you want to be mine. What am I?
a heart
If your uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relation is she to you?
your mother
In spring I am gay in handsome array; in summer more clothing I wear; when colder it grows I fling off my clothes; and in winter quite naked appear. What am I?
a tree
A woman who lives in New York legally married three men, she did not get a divorce, get an enullment, or legally separate. How is this possible?
She is a minister
You go to the doctor because you're ill and he prescribes you with 3 pills and tells you to take them every half hour. How long do the pills last you?
An hour because the first pill doesn't take 30 min. to take.
If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?
Hiss & Hers
There is a brother and a sister. The boy wants to visit his father in jail, and the sister wants to visit her mother in the hospital. But they both are not allowed in the jail or hospital. All they have is a gun. What do they do?
The boy shoots the girl, and then the boy goes to jail for attempted murder and the girl goes to the hospital due to her injuries.
Why did the squirrel lay only on its back on the river?
to keep his nuts dry
What did the hangman get his wife for her birthday?
a choker
What kind of running means walking?
running out of gas
A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him underwater for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.
A Queen has twins by Caesarean section so it's impossible to tell who was born first. Now the twins are adults and ready to rule. One is intensely stupid, while the other is highly intelligent, well loved and charismatic. Yet the unintelligent one is chosen as the next ruler. Why?
He is a male.
What did the comedian say when he took off his clothes?
Haven't you ever seen a comic strip?
There was a man who wanted to prove his love to his wife. So, he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and walked the biggest desert. What do you think his wife said?
Nothing. She divorced him for never being at home.
Two men were playing tennis. They played five sets and each man won three sets. How can this be possible?
The two men were partners playing doubles
A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bus trip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?
Ann apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Sally, Lisa, and Bernadette are triplets. But Sally and Lisa share something that Bernadette does not. What is it?
The letter L
What goes in hard, comes out soft, and you blow continuously?
bubble gum
The cost of making only the maker knows, Valueless if bought, but sometimes traded. A poor man may give one as easily as a king. When one is broken pain and deceit are assured. What is it?
a promise
A group of privates were standing in the blistering sun facing due west. Their sergeant shouted at them: Right turn! About turn! Left turn! In which direction are they now facing?
east
I can't be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I'm worthless to one, but priceless to two. What am I?
Love
You have me today, Tomorrow you'll have more; As your time passes, I'm not easy to store; I don't take up space, But I'm only in one place; I am what you saw, But not what you see. What am I?
memories
What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush
Of no use to one Yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing. The young man has to lie for it. The old man has to buy it. The baby's right, The lover's privilege, The hypocrite's mask. To the young girl, faith; To the married woman, hope; To the old maid, charity. What am I?
a kiss