Math
A grandmother, two mothers, and two daughters went to a baseball game together and bought one ticket each. How many tickets did they buy in total?
3 tickets
When does Christmas come BEFORE Thanksgiving?
in the dictionary
What vegetable is the most fun to be around and the one that everybody wants to hang out with?
fungi
There’s only one word in the dictionary that’s spelled wrong. What is it?
W-R-O-N-G
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
It was on the house
Eggs are 12 cents a dozen. How many eggs can you get for a dollar?
100 eggs for a penny each
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May Flowers bring?
The Pilgrims.
What is the wealthiest nut?
cashew
I have a tail and a head, but no body. What am I?
a coin
What happened to the turkey who got in a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
I add five to nine and get two. The answer is correct, but how?
When it is 9 a.m., add five hours to it, and you will get to 2 p.m.
Why is Santa so good at Karate?
because he has a black belt
What has to be broken before you can use it?
an egg
I am so simple that I can only point, yet I guide people all over the world.
a compass
How did the shepherd act at the manger?
sheepish
When Miguel was 6 years old, his little sister, Leila, was half his age. If Miguel is 40 years old today, how old is Leila?
She is 37 years old.
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
because of all the wrapping
What has a heart that doesn’t beat?
An artichoke
What has thirteen hearts, but no other organs?
a deck of cards
Why couldn't the skeleton go to school?
His heart just wasn’t in it.
What can you put between a seven and an eight so that the result is greater than a seven but less than an eight?
A decimal because 7.8 is greater than seven but less than eight.
How does Easter end?
with a R
What has a skin but isn’t an animal?
a grape
What can you catch but not throw?
a cold
Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical!