Math
If Mary has seven daughters, and each has a brother, how many kids does Mary have?
8. She has seven daughters and one son.
What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A clock.
Who always enjoys poor health?
A doctor.
I am a hot ball of bright light in the sky and I disappear at night. What am I?
The Sun
How do you make the number 7 even without addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division?
Remove the S.
Three times of which number is no greater than two times the same number?
There are two monkeys on a tree and one jumps off. Why does the other monkey jump too?
Monkey see monkey do.
A father and son were in a car accident where the father was killed. The ambulance brought the son to the hospital. He needed immediate surgery. In the operating room, a doctor came in and looked at the little boy and said I can't operate on him he is my son. Who is the doctor?
The Mother
I am white when I am dirty, and black when I am clean. What am I?
A blackboard.
You live in a one story house made entirely of redwood. What color would the stairs be?
What stairs? You live in a one-story house.
When Harry was six years old, his little sister Mary was half his age. How old will Mary be when Harry is forty years old?
37
What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee!
You're in a room and there is a ghost in the room, but you're the only one in the room. How is this possible?
You're the ghost.
The more you take away, the bigger I become. What am I?
A hole.
Two girls have the same parents and were born at the same hour of the same day of the same month, but they are not twins. How can this be possible?
They were not born in the same year.
Two children leave for school. One leaves fifteen minutes before the other; however, they cross each other in the school parking lot. Which child is nearer to the school?
Both the children are at the same distance from their school, they are at the same place at the same time.
How do you spell COW in thirteen letters?
SEE O DOUBLE YOU.
Who can shave three times a day and still grow a beard?
A barber. He could shave other men three times a day and still grow his own beard.
I am not alive, but I grow; I don't have lungs, but I need air; I don't have a mouth, but water kills me. What am I?
Fire
A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?
The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.
A clothing store sells vests at $20, socks at $25, ties at $15, and blouses at $30. How much would be the cost of a pair of underwear?
$45, as the price is devised at $5 for each letter required to spell the item.
Why is Europe like a frying pan?
Because it has Greece at the bottom.
A guy was waiting at home, he swung a metal pole then took 3 left turns and on his way back home there was a masked man waiting for him. What is he doing and who is the masked man?
He is playing baseball and the masked man is the Catcher.
I am something people love or hate. I change people's appearances and thoughts. If a person takes care of them self I will go up even higher. To some people, I will fool them. To others, I am a mystery. Some people might want to try and hide me but I will show. No matter how hard people try I will Never go down. What am I?
Age.
I am a word of six; my first three letters refer to an automobile; my last three letters refer to a household animal; my first four letters is a fish; my whole is found in your room. What am I?
A carpet.