Attachment Roots
This attachment style provides the strongest “roots” for emotional security.
What is secure attachment?
In ethical non-monogamy, wings symbolize this essential principle that balances attachment.
What is autonomy?
This practice, like watering the roots of a plant, keeps communication flowing and prevents misunderstandings.
What is regular relationship check-ins?
This communication skill ensures that all partners feel heard and supported, strengthening the relationship canopy.
What is active listening?
This skill, akin to anchoring during a storm, helps partners manage big feelings like fear or jealousy.
What is Self-Soothing?
This term describes adding new connections while maintaining a secure relationship base.
What is Polyamory?
To grow deeper roots in relationships, Polysecure suggests practicing this when partners express vulnerability.
What is empathy?
Building secure wings in ENM often requires setting clear and flexible this.
What are boundaries?
This emotional skill, akin to tending to weeds, helps address jealousy without letting it overgrow.
What is self-awareness?
Wings of autonomy and roots of security grow stronger when partners practice this during conflicts.
What is emotional validation?
Trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn can uproot relationships unless partners build this.
What is emotional resilience or awareness?
Wings of autonomy help partners feel secure enough to explore this in ENM.
What are new relationships?
Someone with this attachment style may feel like their roots are shallow, leading to fears of abandonment.
What is anxious attachment?
This feeling, described as happiness in a partner’s joy with others, helps strengthen wings in polyamorous relationships.
What is compersion?
Jessica Fern emphasizes creating this “nutrient-rich soil” of consistency and reliability in relationships.
What is trust?
Just as sunlight reaches all branches, these statements ensure that emotions are expressed without blame.
What are “I” statements?
Jessica Fern suggests that when storms arise, partners should “name it to tame it” by doing this with emotions.
What is acknowledging and labeling feelings?
Healthy branching requires maintaining strong roots by doing this—ensuring existing partners feel valued.
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What is prioritizing quality time or showing appreciation?
Jessica Fern describes this process as healing attachment wounds to deepen emotional roots in ENM.
What is attachment repair?
According to Polysecure, these two elements—roots and wings—must be nurtured together to build this type of healthy attachment.
What is interdependent attachment?
In polyamorous gardens, partners need to share this—a commitment to co-creating a secure and nurturing space.
What is mutual care or shared responsibility?
The process of openly discussing and adjusting expectations is like pruning the canopy to prevent overgrowth.
What is renegotiating agreements?
Just as roots hold a tree steady, these practices anchor relationships during conflict or insecurity.
What are repair attempts or trust-building actions?
Like a tree spreading its branches, this practice allows partners to embrace growth while staying connected.
What is fostering interdependence?
A securely attached person balances roots of security with wings of autonomy by practicing this, which allows them to meet their own emotional needs.
What is self-regulation?
Wings of autonomy grow stronger when individuals embrace this concept, which celebrates personal freedom while respecting the interconnectedness of relationships.
What is radical self-reliance?
To foster long-term relational growth, partners should actively “fertilize” the garden by sharing these three essential ingredients for connection.
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What are gratitude, curiosity, and presence?
This advanced communication strategy involves naming your own triggers and asking for support while managing your emotional response.
What is vulnerability with accountability?
Partners weather storms better when they practice this—a balance of radical honesty and compassion during challenging conversations.
What is courageous communication?
When “branching out” in ENM, Polysecure suggests practicing this by ensuring new connections complement, rather than destabilize, existing ones.
What is relationship integration?