What is self compassion?

To show oneself empathy, love, and acceptance particularly in times of failure.  To respond the same way that one would if it was directed toward someone else


Internal vs External shame

Internal shame can be viewed as the negative thoughts or personal criticisms  that the person is saying directly about themselves.  

External shame is criticism that others have communicated or the person has  overheard from others.  


a term used to describe the zone of arousal in which a person is able to function most effectively.

Window of tolerance


Attachment styles

●Secure – autonomous;

●Avoidant – dismissing;

●Anxious – preoccupied; and

●Disorganized – unresolved.



Is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and possibly doing something or acting in a way that youmight regret. This can also be thought of as creating space between a feeling and a behavior.


comprised of three separate constructs:

Self-kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness


Shame vs guilt

Shame - a negative view about oneself that arises from negative  self views.   Example: I am not good enough. I am not worthy enough.

Guilt -a negative view about behaviors or actions that one engaged in.  Example: I did something wrong.


Hyperarousal vs Hypoarousal

Hyper-arousal (aka fight/flight response) - often characterized by hypervigilance, feelings of anxiety and/or panic, and racing thoughts

Hypo-arousal (aka freeze response) may cause feelings of emotional numbness, emptiness, or paralysis.


Maslow's hierarchy of needs

From the bottom of the hierarchy upwards, the needs are: physiological (food and clothing), safety (job security), love and belonging needs (friendship), esteem, and self-actualization.

Needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up.


Self Kindness

Self-kindness is about showing kindness and understanding toward ourselves when we fail at something, or when we are hurt


core beliefs

Core beliefs are how we view ourselves as a person.


The Nervous System

The Nervous System in the body responds to the brain reacting to a situation that someone has labeled negative, dangerous, or bad. This produces the fight, flight, or freeze response that the brain has signaled to the body.


values vs goals

Values involve ongoing action; they are like directions we keep moving in, whereas goals are what we want to achieve along the way. 

 - For example, if you want to be a loving, caring, supportive partner, that is a value: it involves ongoing action. In contrast, if you want to get married, that’s a goal -it can be ‘crossed off’ or achieved. 

- If you want a better job, that’s a goal. Once you’ve got it -goal achieved. But if you want to fully apply yourself at work, contribute your best, and engage fully in what you’re doing, that’s a value: it involves ongoing action.


Common Humanity

‘Being part of something bigger’

Having Common Humanity means viewing our own individual experiences as embedded in the broader human experience, rather than seeing ourselves as isolated or separate from others


positive vs negative core beliefs

positive core beliefs - I am worthy, I am lovable, I am caring, I can get my needs met;

negative core beliefs - I am unlovable, I am not worthy, I am not good enough


Amygdala and the Hippocampus

The Amygdala and the Hippocampus work in conjunction with each other. 

- The Amygdala can be viewed as the fire alarm, it senses danger and will alert the rest of the body. Once the amygdala has fired (or the smoke detector is going off) the hippocampus then activates. 

- The Hippocampus is used in storing memories and can be viewed as a file folder in pulling past memories and experiences to determine the next actions. We can gather that the next steps or past behaviors may not have been recovery focused as these behaviors can be tainted by one’s shame.


 three communication styles 






entails acknowledging and labeling our own thoughts as opposed to reacting to them


Three Emotion Regulation Systems

Threat System, Drive System, and a Soothing System. (1)  The threat system is similar to the fire alarm that is going off in the brain, which has been activated because of emotions or events. (2) The Drive System is the internal ability to reach out for support andhelp in response to the Threat System.  (3) The Soothing System is the ability for the individual to experience feelings of contentment and security.



the ability to notice what you’re thinking and feeling and why.

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