Steven Universe
why did blue diamond cry for thousands of years?
she dropped her favorite guitar pick down the sink drain in 3,000BCE and refuses to call a plumber because she has social anxiety
why is pomni trapped in the circus?
she put on a vr headset to try a 15-minute free trial of animal crossing on vr and accidentally checked a box agreeing to sell her soul to Caine's marketing team.
why does uzi want to kill all humans?
she is a standard teenager who went through a my chemical romance phase and just took the angsty rebel aesthetic wayyy too far
why does twilight have a mental breakdown every time she is late with a friendship report?
if she misses a single deadline princess celestia legally gains ownership to her soul and forces her to spend eternity doing the royal taxes in a windowless basement
Who is kira?
Light because he is evil
why does onion never age or speak?
he is a high-ranking White Diamond spy sent to observe humanity, but he got distracted by the thrill of petty theft and video games
why is jax mean to everyone?
he is desperately trying to get himself banned from the server so he can finally wake up and eat the new meat mountain sandwich from arbys
what is the true purpose of the absolute solver?
it is a malware virus that got downloaded when a drone tried to stream a movie from a sketchy website without an adblocker
why is princess celestia always sending twilight to fix major world ending crises?
celestia is a lazy chud and uses the threat of total planetary destruction as a team building exercise so she can sleep in.
how does misa die?
she doesnt that was L.
if steven has a gem for a belly button how did his umbilical cord work?
it was just a giant organic HMDI cable plugged into roses gemstone to download thousands of years of unresolved trauma
what is actually outside the void?
a giant unskippable 30 second ad for a mobile game about pulling pins to save a king from lava
why does n love branded pens so much?
they are the only objects in the entire universe that dont yell at him, make him feel bad, or try to mutate into eldritch flesh monsters
what is inside the changeling hive?
a masisve underground call center where changelings spend 18 hours a day scam calling ponies to ask about their cars extended warranty
Ryuk hates apples?
no.
why did rose quartz not care about dying to make steven?
because she wanted to experience the ULTIMATE FUSION, which apparently involves completely deleting yourself from the directory like a bad windows update
why is ragatha always so cheerful?
she is a paid actor hired by caine to keep employee morale up, but she hasn't seen a paycheck since 1995
why is khan so obsessed with doors?
he is secretly married to the heavy-duty hydraulic blast door on level 3 and uzi is actually his stepdaughter from a previous relationship with a security gate
how did twilight sparkle die?
she didnt.
how does L die?
notebook *insert heartbroken emoji*
why did pink diamond start a galaxy-spanning war?
she wanted to get out of doing her chores on homeworld and realized that faking her own death was easier than cleaning her room <3
what does caine do when he isnt hosting and planning adventures?
he sits in a dark corner trying to figure out how to blink with his teeth
what does khan do for fun when he isnt building doors?
he scrolls through Home Depot catalogs from 2012, heavily breathing while looking at the "premium deadbolts and latches" section
why does fluttershy like talking to animals so much?
who is the best?
misa