"Things Students Actually Said"
This excuse for eating in class comes during the period after lunch.
"Can I eat in class? I didn't have time for breakfast."
Immediately power off and flip upside-down, use paper towels/tissues to blot, continue lesson from your phone, or pivot to whiteboard/discussion-based teaching
Water spill on laptop
Your lesson plan length first day vs. last day.
10 pages vs. "movie"
"He's just not a test-taker."
"He didn't study."
The sacred item everyone searches for but can never find.
A working pen/dry erase markers/stapler
"I was absent yesterday. Did we do anything?"
The most important lesson of the unit
Count off by numbers, use birth months, last digit of student ID, line up by shoe size then divide, or use rock-paper-scissors tournaments
Need random groups, no tools
Your energy level first day vs. last day.
Excited and refreshed vs. barely surviving
"How can WE make sure he turns in homework?"
"YOU need to remind MY child daily."
This is always broken when you are running late for class.
The copy machine
This request comes 2 minutes after a 5-minute passing period.
"Can I go to my locker?"
Friday before break, last period
Movie/survival
Your outfit on the first day vs. the last day.
Professional attire vs. jeans and a t-shirt
"Can she retake the test? She wasn't feeling well."
"She was fine but didn't study"?
The thermostat breaks and it's this temperature.
85°F/50°F
"Will this be on the test?"
"This will be on the test."
Three students finish a test in 8 minutes and get disruptive.
Give enrichment packets/silent reading/move to hallway/bonus questions
Classroom rules enforcement first day vs. last day.
Strict and consistent vs. "just please sit down"
"I don't remember learning it this way."
"Your teaching method is wrong because it's different from 1987"?
The snack that disappears within 10 minutes of PD starting.
donuts/cookies
Students insist they did this, but there's zero evidence.
What is "turned it in"?
Socratic seminar/show documentary/review game/work time/emergency sub plans
Your lesson plans are at home on your kitchen table.
Student behavior first day vs. last day.
Silent and respectful vs. complete chaos
The question every parent asks about their B+ student.
What is "Is there extra credit?"
This mythical place where teachers actually get their full lunch break.
Nowhere/a dream/retirement