Reading the Room
You are joking with a friend. They stop laughing and go quiet.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Keep going because it was funny before.
SHOULD: Stop or check in.
WHY: Silence is a cue they may be uncomfortable.
You realize your joke didn’t land well.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Ignore it.
SHOULD: Acknowledge briefly.
WHY: Small repairs maintain trust.
A group is starting a game and someone asks to join.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Say no quickly.
SHOULD: Respond respectfully.
WHY: Inclusion is the default expectation.
You talk about someone while they are nearby but not directly to them.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Avoid awkwardness.
SHOULD: Recognize it is still hurtful.
WHY: Indirect communication still has impact.
You want to be funny and liked.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Keep pushing jokes.
SHOULD: Notice when to stop.
WHY: Awareness builds likeability.
You are teasing during a game. Your friend says, “Okay, chill.”
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Keep going but slightly less.
SHOULD: Stop the teasing.
WHY: “Chill” is a boundary signal, not a suggestion.
A peer looks upset after something you said.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Say “I was just joking.”
SHOULD: Acknowledge their feeling.
WHY: Impact matters more than intent.
You feel someone changes the group dynamic in a way you don’t like.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Exclude them.
SHOULD: Express concerns respectfully or seek help.
WHY: Preference does not justify exclusion.
You say something “to the group” that is clearly about one person.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Avoid saying it directly.
SHOULD: Address respectfully or not say it.
WHY: Indirect targeting increases harm.
You think others are overreacting.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Dismiss them.
SHOULD: Adjust anyway.
WHY: Social success depends on others’ experience.
You are talking a lot in a group. Others stop responding and avoid eye contact.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Continue because your idea matters.
SHOULD: Pause and give space.
WHY: Disengagement is a sign others have had enough.
Someone says, “That wasn’t funny.”
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Defend the joke.
SHOULD: Accept feedback and adjust.
WHY: Feedback is social information.
You don’t want a peer in your group. They are standing there while you talk about it with others.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Make indirect comments.
SHOULD: Address respectfully or involve a teacher.
WHY: Indirect exclusion is public and harmful.
Others can tell who you are talking about even if you think you are subtle.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Deny it.
SHOULD: Take responsibility.
WHY: Perception matters more than intention.
You feel right, but others are uncomfortable.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Stick to your logic.
SHOULD: Adapt to the group.
WHY: Social intelligence balances logic and impact.
A peer laughs, but it sounds forced and they look away.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Assume they’re fine.
SHOULD: Re-evaluate and likely stop.
WHY: Tone and body language override the words.
The group becomes quieter around you after you go too far.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Wait it out.
SHOULD: Repair directly.
WHY: Avoiding repair damages trust.
You think the group works better without one person.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Control who joins.
SHOULD: Balance fairness and respect.
WHY: Group activities are shared spaces.
You want to say something negative about a peer.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Say it indirectly.
SHOULD: Choose respectful or private communication.
WHY: Indirect comments damage trust.
People begin avoiding interacting with you.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Blame them.
SHOULD: Reflect on your behaviour.
WHY: Patterns signal needed change.
Multiple peers stop interacting with you during joking.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Blame them for being sensitive.
SHOULD: Reflect and adjust behaviour.
WHY: Group patterns are strong social feedback.
You made indirect comments about someone and they heard them.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Deny or minimize.
SHOULD: Take responsibility and repair.
WHY: Indirect harm still requires direct repair.
You exclude someone and they look embarrassed.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Justify your decision.
SHOULD: Repair the interaction.
WHY: Managing impact is part of social intelligence.
You want others to agree with you about someone you are frustrated with.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Influence the group.
SHOULD: Handle it privately.
WHY: Social manipulation harms reputation.
You want to be confident and say what you think.
What do you WANT to do?
What SHOULD you do?
WHY is that the better choice?
WANT: Say everything openly.
SHOULD: Filter based on respect and impact.
WHY: Confidence includes self-control.