Psych Hismoria
This Austrian man made cigars and mother issues world-famous.
Who is “Sigmund Freud” (and yes, he’d say that answer reveals a lot about you)?
This DBT skill helps you avoid flipping tables during Thanksgiving dinner with relatives.
What is Breathing?
This is what a CBT therapist says when you tell them your thoughts control everything.
What is “Let’s challenge that cognitive distortion”?
This is what the Zen monk said after ordering a hot dog.
What is “Make me one with everything”?
This is the Army’s favorite cardio activity, also known as walking... but angrier.
What is Ruck Marching?
This glowing rectangle is the #1 enemy of melatonin and the #1 reason you're still awake at 2 a.m.
What is your phone?
This behaviorist said, “Give me a dozen healthy infants…” and probably got kicked out of daycare.
Who is “John B. Watson”?
This acronym tells you to eat, sleep, and not let your emotions get hangry.
What is “PLEASE”?
This is the CBT term for when you assume your boss didn’t say hi because you’re definitely getting fired.
What is “catastrophizing”?
When a Buddhist refused novocaine at the dentist, it’s because he wanted this.
What is to transcend dental medication?
This combat tactic involves yelling “clear!” and hoping everyone actually heard you.
What is “room clearing”?
This is the name of the technique where you go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends (yes, even Sunday).
What is “consistency,” or “sleeping like a responsible adult”?
This test involves inkblots, vague answers, and pretending you’re not just seeing butterflies.
What is “The Rorschach Test”?
This acronym tells you to eat, sleep, and not let your emotions get hangry.
What is “PLEASE”?
In CBT, this is what you’re encouraged to keep when your emotions say, “Let’s panic now!”
What is a thought record... and maybe a snack?
This is the sound of one hand clapping... if you’re doing it wrong.
What is a Zen slapstick routine?
This acronym stands for a vehicle that breaks down exactly when you need it not to.
What is “HMMWV” (High Maintenance, Mostly Waiting Vehicle)?
This is what happens when you drink espresso at 8 p.m. because “you felt kinda tired.”
What is “a surprise anxiety party at midnight”?
This early psychological hospital was known more for its architecture than actual therapy.
What is “Bedlam”? (Also known as “Tuesday group when no one took their meds”)
This is what DBT calls it when you accept something awful without loving it—and no, it’s not your ex.
What is “Radical Acceptance”?
This distorted thinking style is also what a magician might yell when everything feels completely terrible or perfect.
What is “all-or-nothing thinking”? (aka Abracatastrophe!)
This item achieves perfect mindfulness by constantly being in the present.
What is a calendar with only "Today"?
This Army combat tool can open crates, fix rifles, and make you feel cool—even if you don’t know how to use half the attachments.
What is “a multitool or Leatherman”?
This sleep hygiene tip encourages you to use your bed only for sleeping (and, okay, maybe one other PG-13 activity).
What is “stimulus control” (not “binge-watching documentaries about serial killers”)?
In the mid-20th century, this was the go-to method for curing anxiety, depression, and inconvenient wives.
What is “Electroconvulsive Therapy”? (Now with fewer lawsuits!)
When you say “I feel hurt” instead of “You’re the worst person alive,” you're using this skill.
What is “DEAR MAN” (and possibly saving a relationship)?
This is what happens in CBT if you try to avoid your anxiety forever.
What is “it gets louder, buys a megaphone, and moves in”?
This Zen master gave up teaching after realizing his students were just there for the Wi-Fi.
Who is the Router Lama?
This elite Army group is known for combat expertise, intense training, and always being “just passing through” your FOB to make everyone else feel lazy.
What is “Special Forces (aka the humblebrag commandos)”?
This sleep strategy involves winding down before bed, not debating your life choices while staring at the ceiling.
What is “a bedtime routine”?
This journal from the 1950s would reject your article if it had feelings.
What is The Behaviorist Quarterly? (Because emotions are just bad science!)
This DBT skill teaches you to imagine a serene beach, even when you’re actually stuck in traffic on the 405.
What is “Guided Imagery” or “Imagery-Based Self-Soothe”?
CBT homework often includes this thrilling, pulse-pounding activity—used to fight avoidance.
What is “behavioral activation” (or as clients call it, “doing literally anything”)?
This is what you reach after years of meditation, discipline, and accidentally sitting on a pinecone.
What is inner peace... and outer splinters?
When your platoon is sleep-deprived, soaked, and still joking about MRE chili mac, this is the true military term for the situation.
What is “combat bonding… or collective delusion”?
This magical-sounding sleep term is often ruined by your neighbor’s dog, car alarms, or your own racing thoughts.
What is “sleep environment” (or “battlefield of noise and regret”)?
This humanist once said people are basically good, which is adorable given he’d never run a group in an IOP.
Who is Carl Rogers?
This is the dialectic at the heart of DBT: you are perfect as you are…
What is “...and you still need to change”?
This advanced CBT technique targets deeply held maladaptive schemas and often includes imagery rescripting and core belief modification.
What is “schema-focused cognitive restructuring... or as your inner critic calls it, a hostile takeover”?
A Zen student asked the master how to reach enlightenment. The master replied with this Ikea-like advice.
What is “Some assembly of self required”?
This happens when a lieutenant brings a map, compass, and confidence—but still gets the squad lost by lunchtime.
What is “land nav, also known as scenic detour ops”?
This is the CBT-I-approved method where if you can’t fall asleep in 20 minutes, you get up and do something boring. No, not doomscrolling.
What is “stimulus control therapy” (aka the walk of insomnia shame to the living room)?