What Do You Even Do?
Your favorite words are “policy” and “no.”
Who is Kate, our HR partner?
All the sticks, all the drums, all the time (or all the rhythm machines?)
Who is Ringo Starr... I mean Vikas, drum solo please!
This is the most frustrating part of being an HR professional
(long censored beep)
You put one foot in front of another many times, very quickly in exotic global locations.
Who is Vikas, the runner?
Your coworkers complimented your Birkenstocks today as you sorted through the office kitchen trash pulling out the recycling.
Who is Jen, our Sustainability Director?
Kids
What is a “good idea at the time”?
This small group of people doesn’t think humans have any impact on the warming of the planet, often conflating “climate” and “weather.”
Who are climate change deniers?
You cannot get enough of whippersnappers and their incessant questions.
Who is Paige, the child mentor?
You continuously trot the globe building collecting the energy transition dream team
Who is Vikas?
A glorified hamster wheel, strobe lights and bad music
What is “spin class”? And, more importantly, why does Jen like this?
This lazy habit illuminates empty huddle rooms worldwide.
What is “not turning off the lights”?
This activity is performed only by the wisest of oracles. And corporate professionals.
Who is Jen, the tarot reader?
You’re the AspenTech Renaissance Man, jack of all trades..master of….?
Who is Shu?
Weapons of BASS destruction
What does Shu call his fishing rods?
Double-digit minors that keep asking questions (that is, if they’re talking to you)
Who are teenagers?
Endless hours on water with nothing but a stick, a string and lots and lots of bugs.
Who is Shu, the fisherman?
You’re the caped crusader driven on a mission to stop plastics everywhere
Who is Paige?
Here, you breathe in a room with other people and lie on the floor.
What is “Kate doing yoga”?
A lesson in patience.
What is morning traffic?
It’s all of the stabbing, but with none of the murder.
Who is Kate, the is cross-stitcher?