Misbehavior
A child may use attention, power, revenge, or display of inadequacy as a way to belong, even if it causes problems for their parents. (chpt 1-2)
What are the " four goals of misbehavior?"
It is a belief that we belong and are accepted, strong and capable, and loved.
What is self-esteem?
It's a way of listening for feelings that reflects back what the other person is feeling and why. You seem to feel excited because I brought your favorite drink.
What is reflective listening?
It is a skill in which we can talk about the problem or concern with the child. You take the time to listen, talk and agree about a way to solve the problem through cooperation.
What is "exploring alternatives"?
A child may do something the parent finds annoying. It is also known as attention-seeking behavior. Parent may need to remind, scold, nag, or coax the child.
What is attention?
It is a skill to help children grow in self-esteem. It is a way to show children that they belong.
It is a way to talk about your feelings respectfully. It can be used when your rights have been disrespected. You can also use friendly ones, for example, "I feel happy when I see you."
What is an I-message?
If you do this with your family, some guidelines to keep in mind are: meeting at a regular time, making a list of topics, planning the time. It helps families have more fun together, teaches children about respect and problem solving, and gives children a place they know they'll be heard and loved.
What are family meetings?
If child believes their opinion or rights don't matter, they may engage in a power-struggle with the parent. The child may refuse to do what the parent asks or may do so sloppily.
What is power?
A type of reward children earn. They may earn it by competing and winning. Usually given after a child accomplishes something, "Good job!"
What is praise?
It is a way of talking to people that puts them down, blames, or nags them. "I feel like you are not listening to me."
What is a you-message?
It is a way to guide children to become more responsible. It helps children choose a better way to belong. Children learn through consequences.
What is discipline?
If a child believes the parent is being unfair, the child may get even with the parent. Parent may retaliate as a way to punish the child. Both parent and child have angry, hurt feelings.
What is revenge?
"You're making progress." "You worked hard on that." It looks like you enjoyed that."
What is the "Language of Encouragement"?
It is a way of providing children with positive power within your limits. "I'd like to read my book peacefully. You can play quietly in here or play somewhere else, you decide."
What is "giving choices"?
Using this may hurt the relationship you want to have with your child. It involves many things, such as using threats, yelling, put-downs, and hitting. It may create fear in children towards their parent.
What is punishment?
The child gives up in certain areas of their life (friends, school, sports/hobbies) and gets other to leave them alone. Parent may feel pity, sympathy. This child needs encouragement.
What is display of inadequacy?
What is encouraging yourself?
This is important for your relationship with your child. It is also the key to most relationships, it involves talking and listening to the other person. It can help build a closer relationship with our children if we do it respectfully.
What is communication?
This is the result of a choice the child has made, it: shows respect for both you and your child, fits the misbehavior, are for bad choices, are firm and friendly.
What is a consequence?