Chapter 1
Signs that you need healthier boundaries
1)Neglecting self-care, 2)Overwhelmed 3)Resentment 4)Avoidance
what happens when we don't set boundaries?
Burnout
Where do we learn boundaries?
Learned from birth by our parents/guardians/caretakers & other people
what are the 6 areas of boundaries
Physical, Sexual, Intellectual, Emotional, Material, & Time
what are the 3 types of boundaries?
Porous, Rigid, Healthy
What mental health issues are boundary setting more pronounced with?
Anxiety,Depression, DPD, BPD
what keeps us from having healthy boundaries?
Giving up too easy, assuming the other person has to change , there is misinterpretation
How can someone violate your emotional boundary?
By invalidating or belittling your emotions when you express them
What do the 3 boundaries look like in someone?
Porous: weak poorly expressed, oversharing,codependency, enmeshment, inability to say no
Rigid: building walls to keep others out. Never sharing, avoiding vulnerability, cutting people out, having high expectations
Healthy: when your past doesn't show up in your present. Clear values, listening to your opinion, being comfortable saying no
What do relationships without boundaries look like?
Toxic one sided relationships that are dysfunctional.
what are natural feelings from setting boundaries?
Guilt, Sadness, Betrayal, Remorse
What did Alex's father tell her when she was younger that violated an intellectual boundary?
That her mother had an affair
The common ways people respond to boundary setting
1.pushback, 2. limit testing, 3.Ignoring, 4. rationalizing & questioning 5. Defensiveness, 6. Ghosting, 7.Silent treatment, 8. Acceptance
Common feelings we feel when we don't set boundaries?
Resentment, Anger, Frustration
what traumas effect boundary setting?
What was Alexa's problem?
She was too needy and overshared with everyone
What is causing higher infidelity and higher levels of anxiety?
Techonology
Who did the author use as an example for chapter 2 & what was her issue?
Erica, & she wanted to be the best mom & do everything perfect like other moms which eventually led to her burnout.
Who was the example the author used for this chapter & what was his issue?
Justin & he became the caretaker of his family at a young age because his mother was absent & his father moved on
What example is used to honor physical boundaries?
verbalize your need for physical distance, be clear with others about your discomfort