Parental Support
True or False: The words you say to a child after experiencing a shock to their system are the most important factor in helping them regulate.
False! Body language is shown to be more important than exact words. If our body language is tense and frightened, they automatically assume the situation is dangerous and scary.
Name three sensation vocabulary words
Cold, warm, hot, chilly, twitchy, butterflies, sharp, dull, itchy, shaky, trembly, tingly, hard, soft, stuck, jittery, icy, weak, relaxed, calm, peaceful, empty, full, dry, moist, flowing, spreading, strong, tight, tense, dizzy, fuzzy, blurry, numb, prickly, jumpy, owie, tearful, goose-bumpy, light, heavy, open, tickly, cool, silky, still, clammy, loose (and more)
Sometimes you have to discuss topics with children that can be difficult to word appropriately and clearly, like with sexual assault or violence. If you are unsure about your child's comprehension following a serious or important talk, what is one way to check?
Asking them to tell you in their own words what they think you mean.
Another way is by role-playing possible scenarios after, through a few different forms of games. E.g. Families can pose scenarios like "what if a bully took your ball and told you to follow him to his garage to get it?" Another activity is to practice saying "no" to different requests, (e.g. asking "can I borrow your toy?" then possibly escalating to "but I really want it!" or "what's the matter, don't you like me any more?").
True or False: The intensity of traumatic symptoms correlates with the traumatic event's severity.
False! The stressor is an important aspect of the possible symptoms that follow, but it does not completely define trauma. Other factors like resilience and how primary responses to the shock were handled also play a huge factor in how symptoms manifest, if they manifest at all.
Fill in the blank: "your child may try to _____ his environment and the people around him in order to manage unbearable anxiety."
Control. This gives the child a sense of security, because they get to feel in charge and capable. While these skills are important, developing security in their ability to control overwhelming circumstances can be done in more healthy ways, like through play therapy.
What is the first step an adult should take when helping a child through a crisis?
Take some time to regulate your emotions and calm yourself the best you can before attending to the child!
What is the difference between grief and trauma?
Grief is easier to talk about as a child. It is the profound sadness that happens after a loss. Trauma, however, the child is left shell-shocked. When grief becomes complicated (like seeing the loss for yourself, especially if the loss is unexpected or tragic), that is when trauma manifests.
What are some creative ways to help a child through a crisis or trauma?
Puppets (works for kids of all ages, gives children some distance from their problems - allows them to fully express themselves!), Toys (can direct the play - what is this toy doing? Where is their safe space? How are they doing?), Dress-Up (playing a different role, giving distance from the issue), Clay, Finger-Painting, Drawing, Sensation Body Maps (one color = one sensation, ask them to color where they feel that sensation in their body)
For children who do not have a productive outlet, what is one way that distress may present itself?
Gaining a false sense of power by harming or controlling a smaller child or pet. Bed wetting, sleep disturbances, hyperactivity, head and tummy aches, and other physiological symptoms. Shunning people and things they used to enjoy. Acting "bratty," by being clingy or throwing tantrums.
Multiple Choice: Children who are able to _______ after an accident have fewer problems recovering from it in the long term.
A. Explain their reaction
B. Cry and tremble
C. Distract themselves and move on
D. Scream or hit others
B. Cry and Tremble. This stage is a part of the natural cycle of trauma processing, and with comfort and support they will stop crying and trembling eventually. The parents' task is just to normalize their response and comfort them until they are back to a more regulated state.
True or False: It is best practice for a parent or guardian to be with a child during a medical procedure.
False! This can be very helpful, but it’s not always the case! If the parent or guardian is visibly anxious or upset, the child will become upset as well, making it harder for doctors to calm the child down. If the parent is a soothing presence, then that would be a positive for the child.
What is the most powerful tool you can work on before working with/raising children to be more capable of helping them with sensory awareness?
Doing your own work! It is recommended to take the time to focus on your own "inner landscape" and how your body communicates with you through sensations.
If a child experiences a trauma and tries to go straight back to playing (or move on in some way) while still in shock, how might you respond?
Encouraging them to pause, using a calm, confident voice. An example script for this might be:
"Honey, you're safe now... but you're still in shock (or a bit shaken up). Mommy/Daddy/(their term for their guardian) will stay right here with you until the shock wears off. It's important to stay still for a little while, even though you might want to play."
What is the earliest age that trauma can be experienced?
In Utero.
Multiple Choice: After a crisis, "notice when your child begins to look around to see what's happening with a sense of curiosity. This type of checking out the surroundings is called _____ and is a sign of resolution.
A. Positioning
B. Establishing
C. Examining
D. Orienting
Orienting. This is a sign that they are letting go of the stressful energy released in response to the scary event. A natural orientation to what's happening in the environment may bring with it more sensory awareness, aliveness in the present moment, and even feelings of joy.
True or False: Parents should not touch their child while they are processing shock or a trauma.
False! While some cases, touch can disrupt the child's processing, particularly if it is shifting their position, holding them too tightly, or otherwise drawing their focus, movement and touch are not inherently disruptive. Your use of touch should aim to convey safety and warmth, connection to your grounded and centered adult presence, or your trust in the child's own bodily processing.
To help children develop sensory awareness, it can be impactful to ask them open-ended questions about the sensations they are experiencing. What is a question you might ask to help your child to notice and track their bodily sensations?
What do you notice in your body now? Where in your body do you feel that? What are you experiencing now? As you pay attention to that sensation, what happens next? How does it change? What are the qualities of that sensation? Does it have a size? Shape? Color? Weight? Does it spread? When you feel that, what happens in the rest of your body?
Note: They do not recommend asking “why” or “how” questions, as they can take the child out of the moment of their bodily processing, by moving their focus into their heads instead.
What is one step that parents can take to help decrease their child's sucseptibility to being taken advantage of sexually?
Model healthy boundaries. They should know that no one gets to touch, handle, or look at them in a way that feels uncomfortable.
Help children develop good sensory awareness. Practice awareness of sensations, specifically those "gut feelings" telling them something is wrong.
Teach children how to avoid being lured. Teach them how to use those sensory awareness skills as an early warning sign. Additionally, teach them common traps to avoid, such as uncomfortable secrets.
Offer opportunities for children to practice saying no. Allow them to question "authority." Additionally, avoid "because I said so" reasoning when making them do something, or other means of dismissing your child's "no."
Teach children what to say and do. The same way you would teach them about other safety issues like crossing the street, calling 911, etc. Discuss the difference between "good" touch and "secret" touch.
What is the difference between renegotiating a traumatic event through play and traumatic play?
Facial expressions. If children perceive distress, sadness, fear, or especially feelings like terror or devastation, on their guardian's face, that will impact their perceived danger. The authors of the book state that from their counseling experience "often the most frightening part of an incident experienced as a child was their parents' horror reaction!"