Gaslighting
Gaslighting is _______.
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is the action of influencing or controlling someone or something to your advantage, often without anyone knowing it.
Doing what someone else wants at the expense of your own wants/needs is ________.
People pleasing
What is Compromise?
Doing some of what each party wants to do, so that everyone gets at least a little of what they want.
What is NOT emotional regulation?
Throwing a tantrum
Why would someone gaslight someone else?
To manipulate them, to control them, to hurt them, and/or to get their own way.
Why do people manipulate instead of ask for what they want?
Multiple answers ok, for ex: insecurity, fear of rejection, the desire to control, etc.
Why would a person please others at their own expense?
They don't want to make waves.
They don't want to hurt others.
It's "easier".
They are afraid to stand up for themselves.
Why do we need to compromise?
It allows us to get our needs met without taking away from the needs of others.
Why should we manage our emotions?
So that we can get along with others, feel better ourselves, & have less regret.
What does it feel like to be gaslit?
Many answers acceptable. Ex: horrible, may wonder if you are going 'crazy', feel self-doubt, feel isolated from others, etc.
What does it feel like to be manipulated?
Multiple responses ok. Ex: Bad, used, taken advantage of, lied to, etc.
What happens in a relationship where people pleasing is present all the time?
The person who always pleases the other person grows resentful of always meeting the needs of the other & never getting what they want/need.
What is it like in a relationship where there is no compromise?
Could be many arguments, could be one person always getting their needs met & the other person never getting their needs met, could include a lot of silent treatments, etc.
What do others think of us when we can't manage our emotions?
That we are immature
That we are unpredictable
That we can't handle bad news
That we are unstable
That we are scary
How do you respond in a healthy way to being gaslit?
"I experienced that differently."
"I trust my memory."
Or if neither of those work, "Let's agree to disagree."
What does manipulation do to a relationship?
Lowers the trust of the person manipulated
Why do we feel selfish when we stop people pleasing?
Sometimes the responses we get when others are not used to not getting what they want from us lead us to believe we are 'selfish' or 'bad', but that's just the person reacting to change & not getting what they want.
Also, we are not used to saying no or doing things for ourselves, so it feels very selfish at first. But, keep it up! It will eventually feel normal to care for yourself & others will respond that way too.
Can compromise be used to manipulate others?
Yes! While it can facilitate cooperation and understanding, it can also be exploited as a means to advance hidden agendas or manipulate outcomes.
How do we manage our emotions?
1. Identify what you feel
2. Remember to control, not repress
3. Accept what you feel
4. Deep breathing can help & if you feel safe enough, closing your eyes to shut out stimulation can help too.
5. Carry something in your pocket that makes you feel grounded
6. Use progressive muscle relaxation
Examples of gaslighting are ___.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That’s not what happened. You’re imagining things.”
“Calm down, I was only joking."
"That never happened.
How can we stop being manipulated?
How do we stop people pleasing?
How do you start a compromise?
How do we express our emotions in a healthy way?
Journaling
I Feel Statements
Talk to friend/family
Talk to therapist
Express pain via artwork