Red Flag/Green Flag
Your partner constantly criticizes their ex, calling them "crazy" and blaming them entirely for the breakup.
Lack of accountability and maturity. This suggests they haven't processed the previous relationship in a healthy way and may be unable to see their own role in conflict. Expect them to eventually speak of you the same way.
True or False, when someone comes up to you and talks to you about their experience with domestic violence, you should judge them and make sure that they are telling the truth by asking more personal questions
False, you should respect that person’s bravery for being honest about their situation even when they may not feel safe. The most important thing you can do for someone battled DV is to be there for them and BELIEVE them
This hotline is recognized nationally
National Domestic Violence HotLine
True or False:
Domestic Violence is a family matter and the community should not interfere
False, domestic abuse is against the law and is a punishable offense regardless if it occured within the home
True or False: NIU has no resources for students who experience Violence
False, Safe passage and NIU Counseling and Consultation Services
When you bring up a small concern, your partner gets defensive, shuts down the conversation (stonewalling), or turns the critique back on you.
When you bring up a small concern, your partner gets defensive, shuts down the conversation (stonewalling), or turns the critique back on you.
True of False: When someone talks to you about DV you should take control of the situation, that person is not thinking clearly and is incapable of saving themselves
False, after dealing with high levels of control, autonomy and decision making is one of the most important steps for a victim, allow them to take the steps when they are ready, you do not know the situation
This resource is on campus
NIU Counseling and Consultation Services
True or False: Only women are abused by men
False,
Red Flag/Green Flag: When you have a disagreement, your partner brings up mistakes you made months or years ago as a weapon to win the current argument.
Red Flag: Unfair fighting tactics and inability to forgive. Bringing up old, resolved issues shows they hold grudges and don't fight fairly. A healthy relationship focuses on resolving the current issue.
You feel a sense of calm and psychological safety when you are around them. You feel comfortable sharing your authentic thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
Emotional safety. This is the foundation of a trusting and secure relationship. Your gut feeling indicates they are a stable and gentle person.
True of False: When someone opens up about DV, you should offer to mediate a conversation between the two parties, you might be able to help them in ways they can’t help themselves
False! offering to mediate can put you and the victim in danger, it can also cause the situation to escalate
This organization is well known around campus and is associated with the colors purple and turquoise
True or False: Domestic abuse is caused by alcohol and drug use
False, Although alcohol use may be associated with domestic abuse it is essential to remember not all abusers drink and not all drinkers are abusive same with drug users
True or False: It is easy to leave DV situations
False, victims often experience difficulty with leaving the relationship due to financial dependance, fear, or children in the home
Your partner checks your phone messages and social media, "just to be sure" you're being honest about where you are and who you're talking to.
Lack of trust and controlling behavior. A healthy relationship is built on mutual trust. Demanding access to your private communication is a major violation of privacy and a sign of possessiveness.
True or False: It is best to personally help the victim through their difficult time, you understand them a whole lot better then any professional does
False, always provide the victim with resources to heal, there are times when we wish not to say things to people close to us and not opening up about this experiences can halt the healing process
From the three listen in the PowerPoint, 2 of these resources are accessible on campus
NIU Counseling and Consultation Services and SafePassage
`True or False: Abusers are abusive in all of their relationships
False, Abusers typically target one specific intimate partner, they benefit from presenting a good image and working well with others so they are less likely to be accused
True or False: If someone wants to know where I am and who I’m with that is toxic
False: Tranccparacy is essential in every relationship, discuss with your partner the boundaries you have and what is checking in versus being controlling or untrusting.
You set a personal boundary (e.g., "I need a few hours of alone time after work"), and your partner initially pushes back but then respects it consistently going forward.
Respect for boundaries and willingness to adapt. It's normal to discuss boundaries, but the key is that they listen and prioritize your comfort and needs over their own immediate desire.
True or False: judgment is an essential part of helping someone with DV as you need to determine how they are and what steps they should take next, regardless of what they are ready for
False, it is essential to avoid using any form of judgment with DV victims
If you have reason to believe a victim is in immediate danger you should call…
Call 911
True or False: If a victim was in danger, they would call the police or tell someone
Victims often fear the consequences of disclosure more than the abuse itself. They may fear retaliation from the abuser, fear that authorities (like police or child protective services) won't believe them, or feel shame and embarrassment.
Red Flag/ Green Flag: You've just received a promotion at work. Your partner throws you a big celebration, praises you lavishly to friends, and insists you deserve the best. However, they then subtly begin to discourage your work-related commitments, saying things like, "You're already so stressed; maybe you should turn down that extra project," or "Do we really need a nicer house if it means you're never home?"
Subtle Sabotage/Controlling through "Concern." The celebration is a Green Flag of support, but the subsequent discouragement is the hidden Red Flag. They are wrapping a selfish desire for control and dependence (wanting you home/not wanting you to advance past them) in the language of concern for your well-being. This is a tactic called covert abuse. It slowly isolates you from your ambition, making you less independent and more reliant on their approval.