Consequences of not Forgiving
Name 3 consequences of not forgiving.
Relapse, anger, anxiety, depression, self-pity, difficulty trusting, relationship problems, alienation from God, victim thinking, stuck in the past, physical/emotional illness, giving up control to others, fear of failure (and some others)
The process of forgiveness has 3 steps, name them.
I hurt, I hate what happened, I heal
What is the difference between shame and guilt?
Shame: I am a mistake; Guilt: I made a mistake
What is the Big I?
A defense mechanisms the alcoholic/addict uses to protect self and boost self-worth. It covers up a lack of self-worth
These are exhibited when our beliefs and our behaviors are incongruent with one another.
Defense mechanisms
A process where someone who has been wronged chooses to let go of their resentment, or the desire to punish, to pardon, or cancel debt.
Forgiveness
Complete this sentence: Not forgiving/holding resentment is like drinking poison, _____
and expecting the other person to die.
What 3 things does shame need to grow?
Secrecy, silence, and judgment
What is the little i?
the opposite of the Big I, feels sorry for self, can't do anything right, plays a victim, poor me...pour me another drink
What do defense mechanisms protect the ego from
shame, anxiety, conflict, loss of control/self-esteem, trauma, any uncomfortable feelings/thoughts
Name 3 things that forgiveness is not
Reconciliation, repairing/returning to a relationship, forgetting, condoning/excusing, granting legal mercy, letting go but wishing for revenge
When we surrender we have two choices, which one leads to recovery, and which one leads to relapse?
recovery-acceptance; relapse-shame
What are 2 things needed to alleviate shame?
Empathy, vulnerability
What are 2 ways Big I behaviors effect other people?
controls others through anger and anxiety
What is the primary defense mechanism used to distance ourselves from distressing feelings and maintain a sense of emotional stability?
Denial
List 5 components of working toward forgiveness
Connect with God, challenge your beliefs, make a pro/con list, daily positive affirmations, let go of the need for perfection, journaling, talking to someone, challenge yourself when receiving negative feedback, gratitude, mirror work, willingness, pray for willingness, writing letters, accept grace, understand what love is (possibly others)
What is Geneva Burns mantra
I bless you, I release you, I set you free, I set me free, I let you be, I let me be
Name 3 ways we develop shame
intentional shaming; shamed by silent response (ignored); shamed by events; bodily shame; internalized shame
What are 4 of the 6 basic human characteristics the Big I defense covers up?
immaturity, inferiority, inadequacy, insecurity, impulsivity, insensitivity
In the transactional analysis theory, what are the 3 parts of personality.
child, adult, parent
List the 4 phases of forgiveness
uncovering, decision, work, deepening
What is the difference between can't forgive myself and won't forgive myself.
can't-capability; won't-willingness
ok to ask for help; not perfect but acceptable; recovering; peaceful; forgiving; forgivable; vulnerable; open; no pretenses; realistic; give self and others permission to make mistakes
real self-who we really are; perceived self-what we think we are; ideal self-who we would like to be
Identify 5 defense mechanisms.
deny, lie, manipulate, accuse, threaten, judge, project, blame, intellectualize, rationalize, repress, silent, compliant, minimize, cockiness, justify, explain, analyze, defy, withdraw, shout, humor (other answers)