Building Trust
Share a "marble jar" moment that helped someone earn your trust.
When I shared a difficult memory with my friend, they validated me in a nonjudgmental way.
Name a healthy material boundary that you have for yourself. (think about your resources, possessions, what you buy, etc.)
I do not keep alcohol in my home to maintain sobriety and physical health.
Demonstrate the first level of validation while the person to your right tells you about their morning.
First level: Being present, paying attention to who is talking, demonstrating active listening skills
*Role Play in group*
- No multitasking
- Give your full attention
What does it mean to validate?
To acknowledge and express an understanding of someone's experience. To acknowledge the "kernel of truth" in an experience.
If you had to go on an adventure anywhere in the world, where would you go? What would you do?
Japan to explore the temples, Ghibli Museum, the gardens, the culture, the food, EVERYTHING
How do you hold yourself accountable to your treatment goals?
I set SMART goals to practice skills and prioritize following through on them daily.
How would you assert your physical boundaries with someone who is making you uncomfortable?
Using a kind, gentle tone, say, "I feel uncomfortable when you look through my purse. Please ask me for what you are looking for and I will get it for you instead."
Level 2: Actively reflect back what the person to your right is saying to you by summarizing their message, without judgment.
Person to your right: Share what you are looking forward to doing this weekend.
*Group Role Play*
"It sounds like you are looking forward to...."
Share an example of an invalidating environment.
When your parent tells you to stop crying because you have nothing to be sad about and are being ungrateful.
Share an activity that is on your bucket list?
Go orca watching <3
How do you practice reliability with yourself?
I regularly arrive to work on time and rarely call into work.
When I make plans with friends, I write it down on my calendar and stick to the plans or communicate with them in advance if I need to change plans.
Share any type of boundary that you are working on with yourself?
Time boundaries - Practicing better time management skills so I get to work on time and am also allocating enough time to work on my personal goals (yoga, reading, etc.).
Level 4: Understanding the person's behavior/ emotions in context
Give an example of understanding your emotions in the context of a situation.
It makes sense that I am sad about not getting the job because I put in a lot of effort during the interview process.
True or False: Over time, messages from invalidating environments can become internalized. This can lead to the person struggling to identify and manage their emotions.
True :(
Invalidation is a major contributor of complex PTSD.
Share a time you felt adventurous *being mindful about group appropriate topics
I went crowd surfing at the Rave back in the day. I also went skydiving to celebrate my friend's divorce.
Share an example of practicing integrity.
I maintained my sobriety, even when I had opportunities to drink without anyone knowing about it. (Doing what is right/ practicing your values over doing what is fun/ easy).
Share a relationship that you are working on having healthier boundaries with. What kind of boundary are you working on?
Healthier emotional boundaries with my parent by not taking on their emotions just because they are having a difficult day. Open communication without over-extending myself to caretake their needs.
True or False: Reaching Level 6 in the levels of validation is always possible.
Level 6: Show equality/ radical genuineness - showing the other person that you would feel THE SAME as them in the same situation.
False - Feeling the exact same way as someone else if you were put in the exact same situation is not always possible, and that is okay! Sometimes we have different emotional reactions. The goal is to validate the other person to the fullest extent of our ability while still remaining genuine.
True or False: When we practice validation, we are communicating to ourselves that our emotional experience is received and understood. This helps to reduce the emotional intensity of the experience.
True! It can be helpful when accepting and processing emotions.
Would you rather go skydiving or scuba diving? Why?
Skydiving because I think scuba diving would make me feel claustrophobic.
Give an example of practicing nonjudgment in a relationship.
Offering your friend help and allowing your friend to help you in return. Reciprocal help. Not judging yourself when you need other's help! Even therapists need therapy :)
Share an emotional boundary that you have with yourself?
I make a strong effort not to think about work when I am at home because that drains me emotionally.
Name a skill that could help you recover from invalidation.
Check the facts of the situation in wise mind.
Be compassionate towards yourself.
Remind yourself that all behavior is caused - there is a reason people behave the way they do, even if it is not right.
Share an example of a validating statement.
"I am allowed to experience intense emotions. My intense emotions make sense because I am under a lot of stress right now."
Would you ever do a solo trip? Where would you go?
I have one time to Salem, MA. It was challenging and fun at the same time.