Have you been listening?
What is mindfulness?
a state of non-judgmental awareness of what's happening in the present moment including the awareness of one's own thoughts, feelings and senses
By focusing on what you can control and building upon these protective factors you will improve...
your ability to cope with many of life's challenges
The 4 horsemen are behaviors that...
escalate conflict and damage a relationship. Over time, these harmful behaviors may become a normal part of communication between partners.
When are attachment styles created?
Attachment styles are established in childhood and strongly impact romantic relationships throughout life.
Forgiveness IS
The decision to overcome pain that was inflicted by another person.
Letting go of anger, resentment, shame, and other emotions associated with an injustice, even though they are reasonable feelings.
Treating the offender with compassion, even though they are not entitled to it.
What are 4 traits of assertive communication?
· Listens without interruption
· Clearly states needs and wants
· Willing to compromise
· Stands up for own rights
· Confident tone / body language
· Good eye contact
What are some protective factors out of your control?
family, neighborhood you grew up in and genetics
How do you correct defensiveness? Also, give an example using a sentence.
Own up to your behavior without blaming others.
• Avoid taking feedback personally. • Use feedback as an opportunity to improve. • Show remorse and apologize.
“I shouldn't have raised my voice. I’m sorry."
What tells you someone has an Avoidant attachment style?
overly rigid, guarded, and distant
uncomfortable with emotions and conflict
difficulty expressing needs and wants
What is forgiveness NOT?
Reconciliation (repairing or returning to a relationship), Forgetting the injustice, Condoning or excusing the offender’s behavior, Granting legal mercy to the offender, “Letting go”, but wishing for revenge.
What are the 4 stages of urge surfing?
trigger, rise, peak, fallAcknowledge you are having an urge
Name 3 types of self-sabotage
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What are the 4 antidotes?
Gentle start up, Take responsibility, Share fondness/admiration, Use self-soothing
What tells you someone has Anxious-Avoidant attachment?
tendency toward emotional extremes
difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries
prone to high-conflict relationships
Alternates between anxious and avoidant attachment. Simultaneously desires and distrusts intimacy with their partner, resulting in contradictory, inconsistent behavior.
What are you doing in the Work Phase?
During the third phase, you will start to understand the offender in a new way, which will allow positive feelings toward the offender and yourself.
What are the 2 components of mindfulness
Awareness and Acceptance
What are the 6 protective factors we discussed?
social support, coping skills, physical health, sense of purpose, self-esteem, and healthy thinking
What does stonewalling look like?
Emotionally withdrawing, shutting down, or going silent during important discussions.
• Often a response to feeling overwhelmed. • Used to avoid difficult discussions or problems. • Underlying problems go unresolved
What tells you someone has a Secure attachment style?
committed to relationship, but independent
attentive, affectionate, and accepting
able to handle and resolve conflict
Forgiveness is a process where....
someone who has been wronged chooses to let go of their resentment, and treat the wrongdoer with compassion.
What does the ABCDE model stand for?
Activating event
Beliefs
Consequences
Disputations of beliefs
Effective new beliefs
What are the 8 reasons we self-sabotage?
2. Fear
3. Coping mechanisms of protection
4. Lack of mental alignment
5. Low self worth/esteem/confidence
6. Imposter syndrome
7. Dopamine Rush
8. Neurobiological Impulses
What are the 4 different horsemen?
Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
What are the 4 attachment styles
Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, Anxious-Avoidant(Disorganized)
What are the 4 phases of forgiveness?
The Uncovering Phase.
The Decision Phase
The Work Phase.
The Deepening Phase.