Have you been listening?
Urge surfing is a technique for __________
managing unwanted behaviors.
What is the first step in urge surfing?
Acknowledge you are having an urge
When do inner critics normally develop?
Childhood
What are the 2 characteristics of co-dependency?
exaggerated feeling of responsibility, guilt, control, lack of trust, fear of being alone, lying, poor communication.
Self Compassion means...
showing kindness to yourself. It means accepting yourself for who you are, imperfections and all.
In having a fair attitude toward yourself please give an alternate response to “I may have said the wrong thing. I’m the worst!”
“I may have said the wrong thing. I’ll get it right next time.
What is stonewalling?
When you refuse to speak and shut down
Name 4 types of Inner Critics
Task Master, Inner Controller, Under-miner, Guilt-Tripper, Destroyer, Perfectionist, Molder
What are the 3 types of boundaries?
Porous, rigid, and healthy
What are things to avoid if your partners love language is quality time?
prolonged periods not spent together, distractions when spending time together
Have each person on your team give an "I" statement in the correct format.
I feel _______ when _________
What are 2 other skills to use in addition to urge surfing?
Managing triggers (using coping skills) and delay and distraction
Give an example of a statement an inner perfectionist or under-miner would say.
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How are attachment styles determined?
Early parenting, childhood events, and adult experiences all play a role in determining attachment style
What actions are appreciated by someone whose love language is words of affirmation?
stating feelings, giving encouragement, giving compliments, sharing positive thoughts, texts/notes
Name 3 benefits of mindfulness
improved memory, focus, mental processing
improved sxs of anxiety/depression
improved ability to adapt to stressful situations
greater relationship satisfaction
reduced rumination
improved ability to manage emotions
What are the 4 stages of urge surfing?
trigger, rise, peak, fall
Who are some influences on your inner critic?
Parents/Care-giver, Siblings, Peers, Influential Adults
How do you define "secure attachment"?
Engages in healthy relationships with good intimacy, communication, and autonomy. Expresses needs well, trusts their partner, and finds the relationship fulfilling.
What are the 5 ways to practice self compassion?
Have a Fair Attitude Toward Yourself
Accept Yourself for Who You Are
Take Care of Yourself
Accept That Struggle is Normal
Practice Mindful Awareness
What are 4 mindfulness practices?
Mindfulness meditation, Mindfulness walk, Body scan, 5 Senses.
What are the 9 rules of fair fighting?
Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel upset.
Discuss one topic at a time.
No degrading language.
Express your feelings with words
Take turns speaking.
No stonewalling
No yelling.
Take a time-out if things get too heated.
Attempt to come to a compromise or an understanding.
What is the difference between and inner critic and an inner coach?
Critic- negative voice that is responsible for negative thoughts and feel mad, sad or defeated.
Coach- positive voice that is encouraging and makes you feel calm and confident
What are the different types of insecure attachment styles?
Anxious - Worries about their partner’s availability and commitment. Often feels incomplete without their partner and may seek excessive reassurance or struggle with jealousy
Avoidant - Can come across as aloof and emotionally detached. Tends to avoid intimacy, vulnerability, and commitment, often spending time away from their partner
Anxious-Avoidant - Alternates between anxious and avoidant attachment. Simultaneously desires and distrusts intimacy with their partner, resulting in contradictory, inconsistent behavior.
Name all of the love languages
Words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service