Random
What does a green cow eat?
black and white dotted grass
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
I know I got hair all over the couch...
It's called FURniture isn't it?
R.I.P boiled water.
You will be mist.
I ate a clock yesterday...
It's very time consuming!
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange"
I said, " No it doesn't!"
What is a ghost's favorite position in soccer?
Ghoul keeper!
What did the couch say to the couch on the other side of the room?
You're sofa away!
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people...
But none of them work.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
What is a cheerleader's favorite food?
cheerios!
Is your fridge running?
Because you better go catch it!
A mexican magician was doing a magic trick.
He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto
What is a cheerleader's favorite color?
Yeller!
My mattress selection...
Just keeps getting bedder!
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Why did the ballerina quit?
It was tu-tu hard!
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
Then it hit me.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball?
A bat!
Furniture salesman says...
I never get tired of sleeping!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.