Grief
What is grief?
Grief is "a keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss, sharp sorrow, and/or painful regret; grief has many variances, complexities, durations, and differing stages that one may experience". Though, grief can be loss of a job, relationship, identity (e.g., mid-life crisis), pet, loved one, etc.
Grief and Mourning are two different experiences
True! Though many people use grief and mourning interchangeably, they are two different concepts. Grief is the internal thoughts and feelings we experience when someone we love dies. Mourning, on the other hand, is taking the internal experience of grief and expressing it outside ourselves.
What are the four fear responses when the brain believes it's in danger?
Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Give an example of each.
True or False: You don’t have to grieve and mourn all the time.
True! You can't grieve and mourn infinitely. You must “dose” yourself with the pain. Feel and express your grief for a bit, then take a break.
Mourning is when you express grief outside of yourself. It is the actions you do express your grief.
Bereavement is specifically used to describe the effects experienced from the death of a significant other; Grief can describe any sort of loss not necessarily related to death (i.e, divorce, money, control, safety).
There is a predictable and orderly progression to the experience of grief
False! Each person’s grief is uniquely his or her own. It is neither predictable nor orderly.
Part of the brain is responsible for the fear response
The amygdala or survival brain. The amygdala activates the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. The amygdala is also responsible for activating the sympathetic nervous symptom.
Self-Care Activities
Taking good care of your body will help you cope with grief since our minds and bodies are connected.
-Sunlight
-Walking
-Forest bathing
-Showering in the dark
-Journaling
-Getting favorite snack or coffee
-Exercise
True or False: If we deny or distract from our pain, it will go away.
False! Two things will help soften your pain: embracing it and expressing it. Allowing ourselves to fully feel our feelings whenever they naturally arise will, in turn, begin to diminish, ever-so-slowly. It will not ever go away completely, but stays At Arm's Length
Common Emotions
Sadness, anger, numbness, confusion, anxiety, regret, guilt, and resentment. Each person experiences grief in their own way, whatever you feel is a normal part of grief.
It is best to move away from grief and mourning instead of toward it
False! Many people view grief as something to be overcome rather than experienced. In order to heal, people must move toward their grief through continued mourning, not away from it through repression and denial.
Sympathetic Nervous System: What is it?
The sympathetic nervous system controls the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. The sympathetic nervous system increases heart rate, elevates blood pressure, heightens awareness, increases breathing, and increases sweating. It also slows down digestion and decreases saliva.
Memories of Loved Ones: Can I avoid these?
Although at first looking at pictures of and thinking about the person may be painful, but avoiding those things often causes more distress.
Common Traditions in Mourning
People may visit their loved one's grave, grow a garden dedicated to them, make a photo album, write letters to the deceased, or any other rituals.
5 Stages of Grief
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published a model in 1969 to explain the stages of grief; it is used for grief associated with trauma and change. 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Note: some individuals may not go through all 5 stages nor the exact sequence.
Crying to express grief is a sign of weakness
False! Crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension in the body and allows the mourner to communicate a need to be comforted. Crying makes people feel better, emotionally, and physically. Tears are not a sign of weakness. In fact, crying is an indication of the griever’s willingness to do the work of mourning.
Problems/Symptoms After Experiencing Trauma
-Flashbacks
-Nightmares
-Stomach aches
-Migraines
-On edge or jumpy
-Irritability or agitation
-Constant worry it could happen again
-Isolation or uninterested in things
Does everyone cope the same way with death?
No. Some are able to use healthy coping techniques while others turn to unhealthy strategies such as drinking, isolating, or using drugs. The goal of this group is to develop healthy skills :)
Parasympathetic Nervous System: What is it?
The parasympathetic nervous system regulates the "rest and digest" functions of the body; it also brings the body back to a calm state, and slows down breathing and heart rate, turns the digestive system and saliva production back on. Muscles also relax.
What are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with grief?
*Answers May Differ*
Healthy:
- journal
- talk about it with someone that you trust
- listen to music
- self-care
Unhealthy:
- take your anger out on people around you
- fighting with others
- using substances or alcohol to mask emotions
-isolation
The Goal is to Get Over Your Grief
False! A person does not "get over" grief and return to the normal life they had before. Life will be different. The mourning process is about learning to live without this person in your life. The sense of loss will not disappear, just soften overtime.
Trauma Trigger
A trauma trigger is something that reminds you of the trauma. This could be a sound, a scent, a person, or a color.
Difficult Days of the Year: Name 2
When someone you love dies, there can be certain days of the year that can be difficult (for example, holidays, the person’s birthday, the anniversary of their death).
What are some days for you? How do you cope (1 example)?
How can you go from 'Fight or Flight' to 'Rest and Digest'?
Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.