Friendships
Your friend texts: "HELLO?" because you haven't replied in 10 mintues. You reply after class, and they apologize for freaking out. Green, yellow, red?
GREEN. They recognized their reaction and respected your time.
You ask your parent for 15 minutes to decompress after school before discussing your day. They disagree and think you should explain what is wrong right away.
RED. It's okay for your parent to be concerned, and is also okay to need a minute to decompress if that is the boundary you set to be able to truly share. If a boundary is communicated it deserves to be heard.
Your partner asks for a hug. Yo say no thanks, and they say, "No worries!" What flag?
GREEN. They respected your choice about physical affection. Just because you are in a relationship it does not mean they are entitled to hugs.
Your friends want to copy your homework at 11:58pm. You want to help but don't want them copying. Give a boundary statement.
Example: "I can't send my answers, but I can help you understand the questions tomorrow."
Your best friend sits with a different groups at lunch. You feel left out. Does your friend have to sit with you everyday?
YELLOW. Your feelings are valid, but friends can have other friendships. Communicate instead of assuming the worst.
Your sibling borrows your favorite hoodie without asking. You ask them to check with you next time. Is setting that boundary disrespectful?
GREEN. Asking permission and respecting belongings are healthy boundaries, including among siblings.
Your crush takes three hours to text back. Your friend says this definitely means they don't like you. Is a delayed text automatically a red flag?
GREEN for respecting each others time; the delayed text alone isn't a flag. Try not to assume someone's feelings based on one message.
Your friend wants to vent, but you're exhausted and going through your own things. Give a kind way to say no for now.
Try: "I care about you, but I don't have the energy to talk tonight. Can we check in tomorrow? OR I care about you and I am concerned, want to look for some support together?"
Your friend posts an embarrassing picture of you. You ask them to delete it, but they repost it and call you sensitive. What flag?
RED. They knowingly ignored your boundary and continued to humiliate you.
Your aunt shares your report card in the family group chat. You ask her not to share personal information next time, and she agrees. What flag?
GREEN. The initial action crossed a privacy boundary, but listening and changing behavior is healthy.
Someone you're dating asks you to unfollow every person they think is attractive to prove your loyalty. What flag?
RED. This could be a sign of controlling behavior. Trust shouldn't require controlling someone's social media.
Your partner gets upset when you spend time with your friends. Give a boundary that communicates both care and independence.
Example: "I care about our relationship, and spending time with my friends is important to me too."
Your friend keeps asking you for your snacks. You finally say no, and they call you a fake friend. What boundary could you set, would you say this is a green, yellow or red flag?
YELLOW. Potentially RED if this becomes a pattern of guilt and pressure. Try: "I'm happy to share sometimes, but you can't expect me to share every time."
A relative keeps asking you about your dating life. You say you'd rather not discuss it, and they keep pushing because "family has no secrets." What flag?
YELLOW, potentially RED if it becomes repeated pressure or humiliation. Being family doesn't entitle someone to every personal detail.
Your partner wants your phone password. You say you prefer privacy, and they accuse you of hiding something. What flag, and what could you say?
RED. Try: I care about you, but my phone is private. Trust doesn't mean we have to share every password."
Someone keeps making jokes about your appearance after you've asked them to stop. What can you say, and what could do if it continues?
Example: "I've told you I don't like those jokes. Please stop." If it continues, leave the interaction or seek support from someone you trust.
Your friend is upset that you can't attend their birthday because of family commitment. They say they feel disappointed, but ask when you're free next. What flag?
GREEN. They communicated their feelings without punishing you. Healthy friendships allow people to have other commitments.
During an argument, a family member says, " You made me yell at you. This is your fault." what is unhealthy about this response? (Yellow or red?)
RED. People are responsible for how they express their emotions. Disagreement doesn't justify intimidation.
Someone keeps asking you for a kiss at a Halloween party. You say no, but they keep asking and say, "It's Halloween, lighten up and give me a treat." What flag?
RED. Consent is always required. A joke, relationship, or holiday never means someone owes physical affection.
A person repeatedly ignores your boundaries and becomes threatening when you say no. Do you need to keep explaining your boundary until they agree?
NO. You don't need their permission for your boundary to matter. Prioritize safety, leave if possible, and get help from a trusted adult or appropriate support person.