It turns out the key to making successful trap monsters, was making them good trap cards, and also decent monsters.
What are Paleozoic?
My opponent's saying that even though I Dark Ruler'd their board, my zones are still locked by Shangri-Ira! Tell him that his card is negated!
As long as Shangri-Ira remains face-up in the Monster Zone, regardless of if it's currently negated, the effect to block zones still applies.
Battlin' Boxers
What are Battlin' Boxers, Battlin' Boxing, Number, and Counter
Adventure Token (Name 1)
What is Dracoback, the Rideable Dragon?
What is Dunnell, the Noble Arms of Light?
What is Starlit Papillon?
Ashened Hero, King, Priestess, and Veidos
8000
This crybaby of a card's stats lined up perfectly to allow this link and fusion focused strategy to add a Toad to their end board.
What is Prank-Kids Dropsies?
I just summoned my Balelynx, and I'm trying to Summon Gazelle and Parallel Exceed so that I can chain block them on that next chain, but my opponent says I'm not allowed to summon both of them from my hand at the same time. They both met their activation requirements, why not?
What is Green Baboon?
All my homies hate Green Baboon
Fluffal
What are Fluffal, Edge Imp, Frightfur, Polymerization, and Fusion?
Salamangreat
(Name 1)
What is Rising Fire?
What is Salamangreat Claw?
Promethean Princess, Flamberge, Ash, Poplar, with the field spell up
What is 9,400?
Clocking in at a whopping 2500, this tuner is the highest ATK monster you can normal summon under Wetland
What is Cryomancer of the Ice Barrier
My opponent won't let me keep my Empen for Evenly Matched, he's saying I can't banish Robina, what is he talking about?
Evenly Matched requires you to banish your cards facedown, because the Floowandereeze monsters all banish themselves face-up whenever they'd leave the field by their own effect, you can't banish them for evenly because they can't be banished from the field facedown, it's against game mechanics.
Synchron
What are Synchron, Junk, Warrior, Stardust, Nitro, Power Tool, Performapal, and Odd-Eyes?
Lightsworn
What is Lightsworn Sabre?
Unchained Sharvara, Aruha, and unused Rakea
8000
Outside of exactly being a 1500 beater in Wetlands, there was never a reason to play this card over something like Skelengel or Dark Mimic, and it came out in 2009!
What is Blizzed, Defender of the Ice Barrier?
My opponent tried to chain I:P to my Triple Tactics Talent, so I took their S:P at resolution. Do they still get to banish a card from either field or gy?
NO! As God intended, the player who controls the S:P Little Knight during the first available open game state will get to activate his on summon effect.
Crystal Beast
Raidraptor
What is Raptor's Ultimate Mace?
Elemental HERO Sunrise, Masked HERO Anki, Elemental HERO Air Neos (4000 LP)
What is 13,600?
This Pendulum monster was actually insanely meta relevant, part of a pot of Greed combo that leaves you a high scale for your following Pend 5.
What is Performapal Guitartle?
I've just activated my Gigantic Spright's Effect and my opponent Book of moon'd it, can I still detach from it at resolution?
Yes! Even though it's facedown, it's still recognizable as a card with Xyz materials, and since Gigantic doesn't have to detach from itself, it can detach from whatever that facedown with materials is.
Noble Knights
What are Noble Knights, Noble Arms, Infernoble Arms, Roland, Artorigus, and Laundsallyn
Dogmatika
What is Dogmatikacism?
Crusadia Equimax, pointing to their Dogoran, our Jizukiru, and Maximus, who targeted Equimax, we're attacking the Dogoran.
What is 13,800?