Boundary styles
Give an example of a healthy boundary within a romantic relationship
1. Need for space when frustrated
2. Not raising voices when in disagreements
3. Apologize without being asked to
etc
You are so overbearing, leave me alone!
or
I will ask for help when I need it, thank you
The second one
1. Direct statements
2. Shows independence
3. Thanks them for their efforts.
Give two examples of physical boundaries
- Space bubble
- No hugging
- Fist bump rather than handshake
- Knock before entering
etc
You feel as if a line has been crossed and you discuss this with your partner, in response they begin to yell
How do you respond with a boundary?
I understand you're upset, but I won't allow you to speak to me this way, let's reconnect in a few minutes
True or False
If I have healthy boundaries I may overextend myself
False
I am no longer in a position to loan you money.
or
I don't want to give you money, you always ask me.
The first one
1. "I'm not in a position to" is easier to accept
2. Removes name-calling or feeling called out
Give two examples of a healthy work boundaries
- No overtime
- Not answering calls or emails outside of work hours
- Overtime pay for any task outside of work description
etc
A good friend asks you out, however, you are not interested in being more than friends, how would you let them know respectfully and clearly?
I'm flattered, but I value our friendships and would like to remain this way, is this understandable?
What are ridged boundaries and give an example?
- very untrusting
- says 'no' to others most of the time
- communicates aggressively
You better be paying me for this.
or
Will I be receiving overtime?
The Second one
1. Respectful
2. Within your scope as an employee
Give examples of a how someone with rigid boundaries may interact with others
1. Refuses to talk about feelings
2. Refuses to accept accountability
3. Rude to others who are expressing boundaries
etc
Coworker continually interrupts you during a meeting
How do you respond with a boundary at the end of the meeting?
I feel unheard and undervalued when you interrupt me, especially in professional settings, can we give each other extra time to speak at the next meeting?
True or false
If I have porous boundaries I may have difficulty telling others no when I want to
True
Context: partner went through phone
You never trust me, you are always accusing me of something
or
I feel like you are surveilling me, is there something you have worries about?
The second one
1. Names how you feel
2. Opens the convo up for further discussion rather than shutting it down quickly
Give two examples of healthy boundaries in friendships
1. Time communication - "Im sorry! Ill be running ten minutes late" or "I am sorry, I wont be able to make it thursday"
2. Social media oversharing - values your privacy
3. Emotional support vs oversharing - Understands emotional support is a vital aspect of friendships but does not overload you with negativity
a friend calls you late at night when you are in bed to tell you about their problems with their significant other, you are tired and want to go to sleep, what do you say to communicate a healthy boundary?
I can tell you are upset. I want to talk to you, but I am not in the position to be helpful right now, can we speak tomorrow morning?
What are the four types of boundaries?
1. Porous
2. Healthy
3. Rigid
4. Diffuse
You made me angry, I won't apologize for my reaction to your actions
or
I'm sorry I reacted that way, but your action was upsetting to me, I will take a break next time
The Second Choice
- Provides accountability for you and others
- Provides an explanation for your actions
- Has a repair action
1. Oversharing
2. Difficulty saying no
3. Over-involvement in other's problems
4. Intense fear of rejection
Etc
Boss is angry you have not replied to an email that was sent after the end of your shift. How do you respond with a boundary?
I apologize, but I do not answer emails or calls outside of my scheduled hours, I will respond in a timely manner the following day