Let's Be Dialectical
This means that two seemingly opposite things can both be true at the same time, everyone is connected in some way, and change is transactional.
What are dialectics?
Sometimes these can interfere with interpersonal effectiveness, especially anger, pride, contempt, fear, shame, and guilt.
What are emotions?
The "D" in this skill stands for "Describe." The "R" stands for "Reinforce."
What is DEAR MAN.
Objective effectiveness, Relationship effectiveness, Self-respect effectiveness
What are the 3 goals you might have in interpersonal situations?
6 examples are: Priorities, rights, authority, relationship, long-term vs short-term goals, and timing.
What are the factors to consider when deciding how firm or intense you want to be in asking or saying no?
This is the only constant.
What is change?
True or false: When you put your immediate wants and urges ahead of long term goals, you're being skillful.
False.
This technique involves repeatedly asking or saying no over and over and over.
What is "broken record"?
If your primary goal is to get another person to do something you want that person to do, or to say no to an unwanted request, you need a skill that will help with this type of effectiveness.
What is Objective effectiveness?
If someone is required by law or moral code to give you what you want, you raise the intensity of your request based on this factor.
What are rights?
To do this, notice that there is always more than one side to everything, be aware that you are connected, and embrace change.
How do you think and act dialectically?
3 myths that get in the way of interpersonal effectiveness.
Name any 3 myths on pg. 119.
What is GIVE?
You typically use FAST to get to this type of effectiveness.
What is self respect effectiveness?
If someone is asking you to do something that would make you feel bad about yourself, you can say no to their request based on this factor.
What is self-respect?
To do this level of validation, don't "one up" or "one day" the other person.
What is Level 6 Validation or "showing equality"?
This is an example of the environment getting in the way of being skillful.
What the environment is more powerful, people don't like you, people won't do what you want unless you sacrifice your self respect, etc?
This is a skill you can use when you want to keep respect for yourself.
What is FAST?
True or false: Objective effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, and self-respect effectiveness can be used in any interaction at the same time.
True
It means "having the skills and the capacity to do something," and it's one of the factors to consider when deciding how intensely to ask for something.
What is capability?
This means that you are changed by your environment and your environment is changed by you.
What does it mean to say "change is transactional"?
These are factors that interfere with interpersonal effectiveness.
What are: You don't have the interpersonal skills that you need, you don't know what you want, your emotions are getting in the way, and other people are getting in your way.
These are the 6 levels of validation.
Pay attention, Reflect Back, Read Minds, Understand, Acknowledge the Valid, Show Equality.
TWO PART QUESTION: If your main goal in an interaction is to maintain or improve your relationship with this person, your goal is this type of effectiveness AND you need to use this skill.
What are relationship effectiveness and GIVE?
When someone is responsible for directing the person or telling them what to do, they can increase the intensity of their "ask" based on this factor.
What is authority?