Misbehavior(2)
A child may use attention, power, revenge, or display of inadequacy as a way to belong, even if it causes problems for their parents.
What are the " four goals of misbehavior?"
It is a belief that we belong and are accepted, strong and capable, and loved.
What is self-esteem?
This skill is a way of "listening" for feelings and reflecting back what the other person is feeling and why. An example, "You seem to feel excited because I brought your favorite drink."
What is reflective listening?
It is a skill in which we can talk about a problem or concern with the child. This skill does not typically apply to infants. You take the time to listen, talk, discuss, and agree about a way to solve the problem through cooperation.
What is "exploring alternatives"?
In this goal of misbehavior, a child may do something the parent finds annoying. Parent may need to remind, scold, nag, or coax the child. This child believes, "I only belong when I get noticed."
What is attention?
It is a skill to help children grow in self-esteem. It is a way to show children that they belong. This skill can be shown through actions or words.
What is encouragement?
This skill is a way to talk about your feelings respectfully. It can be used when your rights have been disrespected. You can also use friendly ones, for example, "I feel happy when I see you."
What is an I-message?
If you do this with your family, some guidelines to keep in mind are: meeting at a regular time, making a list of topics, and planning the time. Doing this can help families have more fun together. It teaches children about respect and problem solving and can give children a place they know they'll be heard.
What are family meetings?
In this goal of misbehavior, if a parent asks the child to do something, the child may refuse to do what the parent asks or may do so sloppily. The child may also fight back or argue. This child believes. "I belong only when I'm in control."
What is power?
A type of reward children earn. They may earn it by competing and winning. It is typically given after a child accomplishes something, parent may say, "Good job!"
What is praise?
This form of communication with other people may put them down, blame, or nag them. For example, "I feel like you are not listening to me."
What is a you-message?
It is a way to guide children to become more responsible and to develop self-discipline. It helps children choose a better way to belong. Some ways of doing this are setting consequences and setting limits/boundaries.
What is discipline?
In this goal of misbehavior, if a child believes the parent is being unfair, the child may seek to get even with the parent. Parent may retaliate as a way to punish the child. Both parent and child have angry, hurt feelings. This child believes, "I don't feel like I belong, so I'll hurt others like I feel hurt."
What is revenge?
This skill increases self-esteem. Some things you can say to demonstrate this skill are: "You're making progress." "You worked hard on that." "It looks like you enjoyed that."
What is the "Language of Encouragement"?
This skill is a way of providing children with positive power within your limits. It can help develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills. For example, "I'd like to read my book peacefully. You can play quietly in here or play somewhere else, you decide."
What is "giving choices"?
Using this may hurt the relationship you want to have with your child. It involves many things, such as using threats, yelling, put-downs, and hitting. It may create fear in children towards their parent.
What is punishment?
In this goal of misbehavior, the child gives up in certain areas of their life (friends, school, sports/hobbies) and gets other to leave them alone. The parent may feel pity or sympathy. This child needs encouragement and may believe, "I can't succeed, so I won't try."
What is display of inadequacy?
You as a parent need this too. You can do this in several ways, such as being patient with yourself, setting realistic, goals, using positive self-talk, and being as healthy as you can.
What is encouraging yourself?
This is important for your relationship with your child. It involves talking and listening to the other person. It can help build a closer relationship with our children if we do it respectfully.
What is communication?
This is the result of a choice the child has made, it: shows respect for both you and your child, fits the misbehavior, are for bad choices, and are firm and friendly. In parenting, they can be logical or natural.
What is a consequence?